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Johnny Knoxville continues to mourn the death of his very good friend and Jackass costar Ryan Dunn. After speaking at Dunn's memorial service on Wednesday, Knoxville took to his blog to say "what I wished I could have told everyone then."
Knoxville says that he was too overcome with emotion at the service to be able to really express how he felt. "I walked to the podium and tried to share memories of my dear friend, but the words were just spinning in my head," he wrote. "What came out were the mumblings of a man trying his best not to cry, and I wasn't even successful at that. I didn't break down, because I knew [Dunn's girlfriend] Angie or his family didn't need to see that, but I also didn't get to properly convey what Ryan meant to me. I won't be able to do that here either, but I will try."
"I felt 34-percent funnier when I was with Ryan, but I guess everyone did. He had such a hair trigger laugh reflex," Knoxville said. "He lived his life wanting to laugh and wanting you to laugh with him. He would cackle really f**king loud, too, and it wasn't uncommon that he would fall over from it. Sometimes I would fall with him because his spirit was very contagious."
Calling his pal "loyal" and a "great listener," Knoxville says Dunn had a huge heart to go along with his sense of humor.
"Ryan also had an enormous capacity to love. His friends and family got a lot, but a lion's share of that went to his sweet and beautiful Angie. If he wasn't with her he would be talking about her. More times than not he would smile wide through that filthy ass beard of his and say something along the lines of, 'How did I ever luck up and land her?' Well, it sure wasn't because of the way he smelled that's for sure. (Dunn despised water and rarely bathed.) It was because he had a pure, open heart, and many other qualities of which I am writing about now."
Knoxville recalled having to tell his daughter of Dunn's death,and revealed how sad he was that his son, Rocko, and his baby on the way will never know his friend. "I cry a lot about that," he said.
"You'll have to excuse me," Knoxville wrote in closing. "I'm just very sad because I lost my brother and my world got about 134-percent less funny. I don't know what else to say right now, so I will close with I love you, Ryan. I have a lot of emotions swirling, but I want you to know I love you so very much."
Dunn died at age 34 on June 20, after his Porsche went through a guardrail on Route 322 in West Goshen Township, Pa. Dunn's pal Zachary Hartwell was also killed in the crash. Police later revealed that Dunn's blood-alcohol level was way over the legal limit and that his car had been traveling between 132 and 140 miles per hour at the time of the crash.