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About five minutes after I conceived my first child, something glorious happened: My former A-cups began to runneth over. Never having been blessed in the boob department before (except maybe during a brief, beer-fueled chunky phase in college), I loved my newfound cleavage. Plus, it helped distract wandering eyes from my ever-expanding rear view.
My similarly flat-fronted sister Kate Hudson, on the other hand, apparently is not totally loving her new pregnancy-fueled D-cups. This month she tells InStyle, “I’m usually an A cup and I’m getting close to a D cup. Big breasts are fun for certain things and really not fun for other things. Plus, I love fashion, and having big breasts is not ideal for certain looks.”
Whereas I “only” gained fifty pounds with my pregnancies (go ahead and berate me) Kate packed on more than sixty the last time around, according to most reports. (Some speculate it was closer to seventy, which I realize shouldn’t make me feel absolved but, frankly, it does.) Since the milk-bags are made up of mostly fat, the more weight you gain the more likely you are to blow up to porn-star proportions.
I have to assume that if Goldie’s golden-girl is bothering to kvetch about her titanic hooters, she must not be experiencing many of the other joyful pregnancy side-effects that I did, including bloody noses, a constant, low-grade headache, uncontrollable flatulence, recurring yeast infections, searing sciatic pain and a repulsive constellation of “skin tags.” I’m thinking if Kate was suffering any of these injustices, she might be embracing her buxom bosom with grateful vigor.
At the end of the day, pregnancy is fleeting, and if Kate is anything like me, she’ll be even flatter than in her pre-gestational days. But with her due date approaching in early summer, I'm hoping she can let go and enjoy a few of those “certain fun things” you can only do with massive mammaries before they vanish.
