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Kim Richards hasn't watched much of the second season of The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills, and it's not because she was in rehab while it was airing. As the 47-year-old former child actor revealed during the third and final installment of the RHOBH reunion (which aired on Monday night), she simply couldn't bear to watch the video documentation of her relapse into alcoholism.
"I have so much guilt and shame for my behavior and what I did," she told host Andy Cohen. "And then I drank to cover the guilt and shame."
Richards says she started watching the second season, but couldn't continue after it became obvious she had relapsed and was drinking again. She later was forced to watch an episode from the second half of the season, and couldn't handle it.
"When I first started the season, I was still not drinking and you could see my confidence level. And then you could see just from my behavior when I lost my confidence and started drinking," she said. "I could not watch the show when I saw that behavior coming out of myself because I was so ashamed of what I'd done."
Of an episode where she is clearly intoxicated while trying to pick up her personal belongings off the bathroom floor, she remarked: "I don't know what the heck is going on there, but I felt bad for her. It's just sad. The voice wasn't mine, the mannerisms weren't mine. It just wasn't me."
Richards entered rehab in December and left in early January. Now she says she is back on the wagon, despite the fact that she has tried and failed to quit her alcoholic tendencies in the past.
"I'm a person that has done it and relapsed and done it. But at least I'm trying," Richards explained. "I felt off. I just didn't like me anymore and I couldn't look at myself in the mirror anymore."
This time, she intends to stay sober. "I just really want this," said Richards. "I'll work really hard for it every day."