Photo Credit: Marcel Thomas/WireImage
Kirstie Alley, who's gained and lost (and gained again) her weight in the public eye, chronicles her latest battle with the bulge on A&E's Kirstie Alley's Big Life. And in the new Ladies' Home Journal, Alley, 59, whose current weight is 230 lbs., calls herself "circus fat." While she'd been in denial ("When we get fat, we fool ourselves with every kind of lie imaginable"), she freely admits what few people cop to.
"It was the greatest thing in the world getting fat," says the outspoken star. From decadent dinners in Italy to planning big meals, Alley said, "It was a happy-go-lucky time. I never had so much fun." But she also admitted, "I've been irresponsible many, many, many times and that has resulted in my being fat."
Alley noticed at a young age how much pressure there was to be thin in Hollywood. On her first film, 1982's Star Trek II: The Wrath if Khan, she weighed 114 pounds. She tells LHJ, "That milestone triggered a new way of thinking: "Being thin does make a difference, I told myself. In my head I got that role because I was 114 pounds, not because I was a good actress or looked like a Vulcan."
But it seems Alley isn't having as much fun these days. "It's insane! I'm disgusted with myself!" she says. "I let myself down and, worse than that, I let other people down."
Nevertheless, the actress is optimistic she'll get back to where she wants to be: an ambitious 135 pounds. She says, "I know that's a serious challenge, but it comes from me asking, 'How do I want to live the second half of my life? What do I want to look like?' It's up to me to become the person I want to be."
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