Kiss Your Way to Better Sex

Step 3: Exploring New Territories and Sensations

Consider yourself a beginner in the kissing arena and know that beginners aren't supposed to know everything. Without the pressure of having to know, we free ourselves to just try something new and have fun.

Note: Both women and men have said their best partners were not the best-looking, did not have the best bodies, nor were they the ones who knew the most sexual stuff. What they did have was the best attitude about sex -- they wanted to be there, and they were enthusiastic. That is what made them attractive and desirable.

To practice some new kissing techniques, look in a mirror and watch yourself kiss your arm or hand. See and feel what your partner will. Imagine how he will feel your heat, your breath, your moisture and your texture. You may feel silly doing this, but trust me, as with anything else, the more awareness and information you have, the more confidence you will have about doing something. This is the time for you to experiment with nibbling, sucking and licking as elements to add to your kissing repertoire.

Practice using all the areas of your lips. Think about kissing your partner's lips beyond the usual outer edges. Explore these areas and techniques and how they will feel when you next kiss face to face by experimenting in front of the mirror. Test what kissing with your inner lip feels like by kissing your own inner wrist first with a puckered mouth, then with a more softly open mouth, so that you feel the warm, wet inner lip. Use the same lip shape you would if you were going to suck on something.

I think it goes without saying that your lips should be as soft and supple as possible. Avoid tons of lipstick (most men don't like it), unless you think Bozo the Clown is a good look. Fresh breath is also a necessity. If it is a concern, be sure to have some mints handy. If you want to freshen your partner's breath, take a mint for you and say, "I just want to be fresh," then playfully feed it back and forth while in the kissing warm-up mode. Make it playful. That way, the breath issue isn't about him.

Next page: New kissing techniques well worth trying



The next time you and your partner are kissing, while kissing his lower lip, suck as much of it as you can gently into your mouth. While holding it there with a little suction, stroke with the firm point of your tongue in an up and down motion from the edge of his lip down to the crease of his chin. According to Chinese medicine, that meridian is associated with the genitals, and for some men it feels like a mini shock wave to their groin.

Another technique is to trace your partner's lip with your tongue. This not only heightens the sensation but also adds to the range of temperature sensations he feels. Because his lips are now wet, your breath while doing this will feel cooler -- think of it as a cool mint sensation a la peppermint patties.

Gently suck on his tongue as prelude of what's to come. Believe me, as you are doing this, he is likely thinking of the same being done farther south. To show him and see for yourself how it will feel for him, treat your middle and index fingers as you would his tongue and suck on them, treating them to the same sensations you will give his tongue. And remember to have your tongue in motion so that it isn't just hanging out in there. Try side-to-side strokes or flat circular moves (this motion is against the fingerprint part of your finger).

When you have your partner's upper lip gently sucked into your mouth, we wouldn't want the lower lip to get all the attention. Run the underside of your curved upward tongue along his front upper gum ridge. Think of this as the reverse of where you would run your tongue along the front of your teeth to feel how smooth they are after brushing.

As many men have told me, your tongue in his ear can be a sure-fire turn-on. There are, however, some men and women who do not like a tongue anywhere near their ears. Therefore, it's important to ask early on if he is enjoying it. You might offer a brief hint of tongue, then ask, "Shall I continue?" Most women prefer feeling his tongue and mouth in the triangular area from the edge of the ear and earlobe down to the top of the shoulder.

At any time, when you want direction, stop, look him in the eye and ask, "Is there anything else you'd like?" Or: "Is there anywhere else that needs attention? Just let me know." Then proceed as you wish -- and enjoy.

Find out what everyone is saying about kissing (and sex) on the Let's Talk about Sex message board.

Next: Train Your Own Mouth

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