This Sounds Fishy: A Woman Is Planning a "Koi-Assisted" Birth

Have you heard the one about the lady who’s planning on birthing her baby in her own personal koi tank? Yup: She’s going to have her baby in a ginormous fish bowl. I know this because Jane -- the pregnant lady in question -- started a blog (and quite the stir...48,000-plus people have already clicked) in order to answer FAQs about said birth.

There she writes that she "can't think of anything more stressless than...letting my fish companions guide me through birth." She says that she’s going to allow the koi to guide the baby to the surface of the water, but her husband, Shane, will be at the ready with a fish net, "just in case." And, of course, a midwife will be there, too. And a doula. These folks are incidental, it seems, because Jane "expect[s] the koi to take the lead role in the birth."

My first reaction: What the what? Is this a safe way to bring your kid into the world? Jane writes that they'll be sterilizing the water with a special treatment to rid the tank of any parasites. She doesn't, however, mention what chemicals will be used to get the afterbirth out of there. I can’t think of anything I’d want to do less after giving birth than skim my placenta out of the family aquarium.

My second reaction? You are a very funny woman, Ms. Jane. This has to be a fun little satire of the just-as-kooky dolphin birth that made the Web rounds a bit ago. (You can watch it here.)

Perhaps Jane wanted to lighten (or liven) up the collective home birth discussion. After all, so much of the home birth buzz out there revolves around totally off-the-grid types who are staunchly anti-doc, anti-hospital, verrry into chanting and all judgey when it comes to other’s birth styles. Not an accurate portrayal at all, IMO. Maybe, just maybe, Jane is all "you think homebirth is wacky? I’ll give you wacky!" (Take that, SNL!)

But, ugh, if Jane is for real, for real, well then color me judgey. I’m a total home birth advocate. I had one. It was life-changing. But I still think pushing your baby out in your fish tank is more than just off the grid. It’s going off the deep end.

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