Long-Distance Duty: How to be an Out-of-State Maid of Honor
Dear Wedding Women:
I'm the maid of honor in a wedding this fall. However, I live in a different state than the bride, and I'm worried about how to hold a bridal shower and a bachelorette party when I can't be there to supervise the processes.
Alexsala
Dear Alexsala:
Don't stress out; I'm sure you'll be able to plan a bridal shower and bachelorette party for your friend even though you live in a different state. It would help, however, to have at least one person in the place where you plan to hold the festivities who can lend a hand (a bridesmaid, a sister, the groom, etc.). Although a bachelorette party can pretty much be planned at the last minute -- all you need is a hotel suite, a reservation at a restaurant for dinner, or just a meeting spot -- a shower takes a bit more work. However, that doesn't mean you have to plan up a storm. A shower can be as simple as coffee and pastries at someone's home or as elaborate as a full meal at a restaurant.
One way to make life easier for yourself and for many of those on the invite lists is to have the two parties on the same weekend (yes, this is "legal") -- perhaps a Saturday morning or Sunday afternoon shower and a Friday or Saturday night bachelorette outing. You can also have the bachelorette party within a few days of the wedding, when most guests will already be in town.
As for the shower, you may find it easier to plan if you find someone who is willing to have it at his or her home. Or perhaps you know someone who can help you find a restaurant; maybe the bride's mother has a good suggestion (or get your hands on restaurant listings for that area -- a regional magazine is a good bet; you can even try the visitors bureau or Chamber of Commerce).
If the bride doesn't feel the need to be out of the loop, you can ask her where she would like her shower to be. When Eileen was married, she discussed her shower openly -- her aunt was generous enough to pay for it, but because she lived in another state than where the shower was to be held, Eileen asked her mother-in-law whether she would mind if the shower were at her house. She was happy to help.
