Eventually I was able to step back and look at the limitations of this person I loved so deeply and for so long. He used to say, "Why do you love me? I'm so shallow and you're so deep." I should have paid attention to his assessment and run for cover. He truly doesn't know how to be a man on an emotional level and it's not my job to teach him. I've stopped blaming him for not being the man I wanted him to be. I'm not the woman he wanted me to be either.
For years whenever I dropped my son at the house my ex shares with his wife, a part of me died. She's a nice woman. But she has a lot of money and gives my child all the things I can't afford. It took everything I had in me not to badmouth her to my son, instead to pick up the phone and rant to my therapist or a friend about all this injustice. Now I realize the breakup has given my son a gift as well: He has another house where he feels safe and he has more people to love him.
The truth: My ex did me a favor by walking. It's my fervent belief that if I had stayed in that unhealthy relationship the stress of living in such misery would have eventually killed me.
It's About Absorbing the Best Parts of the Relationship
Rene Reid Yarnell, 56, Nun Turned Entrepreneur, author of `Til Death Do Us Part?
I've been divorced more than once. The heartbreak is just as agonizing whether it's a college romance that ends, or in my latest case when the breakup occurs when you are in your early fifties. What does change with age and experience is how you deal with the pain.