Loving a One-Minute Man: How to Control Early Ejaculation

ON Jan 1, 1999 at 12:00PM

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Dear Dr. Patti:

I am in love with a one-minute man. I have never been tolerant of a man who lasts for only one minute, so I guess I must truly feel for him -- otherwise I would have left by now. The fact that he has let me down repeatedly tends to worry me. Will I ever have that essential orgasm with him? --R

Question:

Dear R:

I love your question, as it speaks to a dilemma that so many women face. When a woman loves a man, and he does not seem capable of fulfilling her sexual needs, she is caught in a tangled web between head, heart and groin. I teach that only you are responsible for your own orgasm. Surprisingly, that implies that it's your, not his, responsibility to think, fantasize, do, say or feel what is necessary for you to have the maximal pleasure that your sexual anatomy and physiology can provide for you as a sexual being.

What's sad is that some couples simply cannot get to the point of sexual satisfaction in bed. It appears that your lover has a very limited skill base -- one that can be enhanced with knowledge, support and practice -- for him alone, and for both of you as a team. I suggest you look around for a book or video that will help your lover learn step by step how a male can sustain his erection and quell his urge to ejaculate. By your dude's learning his own sexual patterns and how to control them, he might be able to produce that "essential" orgasm, which I sense means to you the type that happens with the good ol' penis-in-vagina position.

Another approach is for him to allow you to share intimacy in other ways -- by deep emotional connecting, gentle massage and using his hand, mouth or an electrical or battery-charged assistant (sex toy) -- to get you orgasmic before he enters you. That way, the one minute will be pure ecstasy for your body, which will already be at the peak of its pleasure, and the two of you can sail off into the sunset of delight without disappointment or further pressure.

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