5. Make sure you, your partner and your therapist set concrete goals early on. If you don't, you will probably meet each week with no clear direction. Once you set goals, you should never lose sight of them. If you don't begin to see some progress, or if you don't start to feel somewhat better within two or three sessions, you should address your concern with your therapist.
6. It's my belief that couples in crisis don't have the luxury of analyzing how they were raised in order to find solutions to their marital problems. If your therapist is focusing on the past, suggest a future-oriented approach. If he or she isn't willing to take your lead, find a therapist who will.
7. Know that most marital problems are solvable. Don't let your therapist tell you that change is impossible. Human beings are amazing, and they are capable of doing great things '- especially for people they love.
8. Most of all, trust your instincts. If your therapist is helping, you'll know it. If he or she isn't, you'll know that too. Don't stay with a therapist who is just helping you tread water. Find one who will help you swim.