Photo Credit: Twitter
Martha Stewart dines at some of the finest restaurants in the world and she’s no slouch in the kitchen, but you wouldn’t know it from the Twitpics she takes of her meals. In fact, some of these photos are so awful, she manages to make the fanciest of dishes look like swampy gloop. Finally, proof that The Martha isn’t perfect!
Are Those Scabs?
Or maybe a can of old, moldy cream-of-grody soup? If this picture could talk, it would say, “glop.”
Best yet. Puree of celeriac and white Croatian truffles. Fragrant buttery and so good. Kudos to the chef pic.twitter.com/vnl9J68lx0— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) October 25, 2013
Martha’s fried eggs look like an insect alien face. Unless it’s a Rorschach test, and then we see Kermit the Frog.
How many eggs am I frying? My chickens are doing a great job pic.twitter.com/CQvXAYbOJU— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) March 2, 2013
I’m not sure a gallon of creamy oozing stuff is going to save that sad iceberg lettuce. Note the mysterious mud-covered chunks in background, too.
Iceberg wedge with homemade Russian dressing. Perfect salad for the onion soup lunch pic.twitter.com/KQatWUKUdl— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) November 17, 2013
This Makes Us Cry
Martha paired her oozing iceberg wedge with this muddy pond water, or as she calls it, “onion soup.”
Best slow cooked onion soup with baguette croutons and gruyere and Comte cheese melted on top. Garden onions pic.twitter.com/VNFkeiV3o3— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) November 17, 2013
Either flavored foams are still a thing, or Martha is secretly washing dishes during dinner.
First course. Land and sea. Uni. Seaweed bone marrow by Dominique CERN s. F. pic.twitter.com/Oi9JwzYwpf— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) November 16, 2013
Is This Paleo?
It reminds us of meat that someone hung up to dry in a creepy shed. Or maybe it’s tree bark. But, you know, served over butter pasta.
What a wonderful treat. White truffles and pasta a la jean Georges. So delectable. pic.twitter.com/Byi6HDlbRB— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) November 1, 2013
Martha swears that there’s bacon in there. It must be somewhere under the milky grape stew.
Third course at edulis. Portuguese squid grilled on a plancha with bacon grapes onions. Delicious pic.twitter.com/bv7is17x1R— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) October 25, 2013
Weird photo effects make the uncooked shrimp in this paella look like beetles. And just like that, Martha makes us hate paella.
This paella fed more than firty of us hungry people. Chef Pierre Schaedelin made his best dinner ever pic.twitter.com/nrBKCEDRxE— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) August 5, 2013
These are short ribs. Let’s hope they weren’t actually this gelatinous and blobby in real life. Maybe she was eating in low light for a good reason.
Course#5. Short ribs bitter greens and rice cake. So superb. pic.twitter.com/cgdGMBEf— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) February 3, 2013
Mar? Did you eat half of your margarita pizza before remembering to take the photo? Not sure that’s how it’s supposed to go, hun.
The pizza margarita was actually very good. We (7 of us) ate four pizzas pic.twitter.com/jJgPS8C9id— Martha Stewart (@MarthaStewart) March 17, 2013