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When Martha Stewart's daughter Alexis Stewart dedicated her new book Whateverland: Learning to Live Here to her famous mom, she wisely prefaced it by saying, "Thanks in advance to my mother for not getting angry about anything written in this book." We say wisely because Whateverland -- which hits shelves Oct. 18 -- takes anything but a "whatever" stance on Martha Stewart as a parent.
Alexis, 46, has long had a tumultuous relationship with her mother in the press. She and her co-author/BFF Jennifer Koppelman Hutt -- daughter of Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia executive Charles Koppelman -- would often spoof the 70-year-old television personality's TV schtick on their show, Whatever with Alexis and Jennifer. According to ABC News, Alexis' book paints a portrait of Martha as anything but the culinary and crafts goddess she portrayed herself as on screen.
"If I didn't do something perfectly, I had to do it again," writes Alexis. "I grew up with a glue gun pointed at my head."
Among Stewarts' main gripes with her mom: There was never any food in the house, she wasn't allowed to dress up for Halloween and she was forced to wrap her parents' own Christmas presents to her.
"Martha was not interested in being kid-friendly," the book reads. "She would hand me things right before Christmas and say, 'Now wrap these but don't look inside.'"
And Halloween, which Alexis describes as a "grim affair," doesn't sound any more mirthful: "There were no costumes. There was no anything. We turned off all the lights and pretended we weren't home." Good times!
This isn't the first time Martha's clean on-camera persona has been damaged in the public eye. In 2004, she was charged with four counts of obstruction of justice and lying to investigators about a stock sale, and served five months in a West Virginia federal prison. She also has been described as making her employees cry.
As if the aforementioned laundry list of Martha's failings weren't enough, Alexis recveals one other particularly embarrassing secret about her mom: Apparently Martha is not a fan of closing the door while using the bathroom.
"Mother always peed with the door open," Alexis writes. "I remember saying, 'You know, now I have friends over! You can't do that anymore! It's gotta stop! My friends' parents don't do it! Give me a break here! I don't feel like being embarrassed! It's exhausting! I'm a kid! Stop!'"
Stewart's book, which is out Oct. 18, is described as a comical guide for those who "hate how-to manuals" -- and we're guessing also for people who have weird mothers.
