A Masturbation Memoir

When I wrote my first book, Hot Sex: How to Do It, chapter one was about masturbation. Hmm, I thought, fingers poised above the keyboard, just how much of myself do I reveal here? Deciding the book would probably only sell two copies at most, I went ahead and put my money where my mouth was (or should I say my hand?) and kicked it off with a true story: During the long days I spent writing, I would take "solo sex breaks" as breathers. Anyone who has ever worked from home knows there are only so many options when you need a rest: chocolate (fattening), cigarettes (life-threatening), daytime telly (mind-numbing) or lusty affairs with the workmen fixing up the house (tempting ‑- but since I was married at the time, not the best idea). Masturbating was a guilt-free treat that perked me up, so why not? I decided to confess.

Watch Video: Is Your Husband Threatened by Sex Toys?

Five years later, the book is available in 140 countries. That effectively means the entire world knows exactly what I'm doing if I'm working at home and don't pick up the phone on the first ring. Yes, I do cringe when the 500th person each day leaves a message saying, "Can't get to the phone, eh? I know what you're doing!" But I don't regret it at all. The more books I write, the more couples I work with to improve their waning passion, the more I realize just how crucial masturbation is to a satisfying sex life. In my experience, it is by far the single most effective way to teach any woman about her own body. By talking so openly in that chapter, I hope I cleared up any reservations that it's "unnatural" or that it's just "something people do when they're really hard up." In fact, that's not at all the case.

Ninety-five percent of women who masturbate can bring themselves to orgasm. If you're a female who has never masturbated, statistics say you've probably never had an orgasm either. When asked to describe their sex lives in surveys, the people who check the "fantastic, thanks" box are also the ones heartily checking the "masturbate regularly" box, regardless of whether they have a partner. And that's no coincidence. Women's sexual systems are complicated. Men's aren't. That's why the average guy is often hopeless in bed until he meets a woman who knows the most effective techniques and can teach him. But in order to know what works, you have to take the time to figure out what excites you by experimenting on yourself. So if you're interested in upping the number of orgasms in your life, just DIY. Get started with my article called Want to Be Unforgettable in Bed? Ditch Your Guy and Go Solo.

 

For more information, check out our Solo Sex message board.

Missed one of Tracey's columns? Read them all here. Check out Tracey's Love Bytes video series here.

 

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