Meeting an Online Love for the First Time
Dear Sherry:
There is someone in my life who I met online. We have been in touch now for nine months. We traded pictures and snail-mail addresses when we first met and have recently started talking on the phone with each other. I feel like we know each other well and have both really grown to care for each other. Our only problem is that we live really far apart. (He is in North Carolina, and I am in Alberta, Canada.)
We are planning on meeting each other at the end of the year when I go down to that part of the continent to visit my sister. Of course we are both nervous about it all. Do you think that this relationship can really work?
Pat
Sherry Amatenstein
Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more
Dear Pat:
First the good news: A nine-month virtual relationship is probably the equivalent of at least three years in the real world. So you've clearly got cybercommitment going for you. More pluses: You've exchanged photos and spoken on the phone, so you're familiar with each other's appearances and voices.
Now onto the cautionary part of the program: You're still strangers. Despite your hours and hours of conversations and emails, you've never shared a meal, a smile, a touch -- which means that on the intimacy scale, the two of you remain friendly strangers. So, I suggest that you arrange the first meeting in a public space in which you feel comfortable. If you don't feel comfortable, leave.
Certainly spend time with each other while you're in the same country. But try to table the red-hot expectations (and ixnay on the L-word). Don't go into this get-together thinking, "If I don't instantly feel he's my soul mate, I'll just die!" The more pressure you put on this face-to-face encounter, the more it's doomed to disappoint. He might not be the man of your dreams, but what a cool opportunity to meet a cyberpal in the flesh. Good luck and have fun!
