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Rock stars, take note. The 2013 Grammy Awards (CBS, Sunday, 8 p.m. ET) are going to be a classy affair. You know that hankie you're planning to wear as a dress? Inappropriate.
According to a new CBS-issued email obtained by Deadline.com, a new dress code has been put in place for this year's awards show. The memo alerts various talent managers and agents that the network is cracking down -- and their celebrity clients had better follow the rules.
Here's a segment from the email:
"Please be sure that buttocks and female breasts are adequately covered. Thong type costumes are problematic. Please avoid exposing bare fleshy under curves of the buttocks and buttock crack...Please avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples. Please be sure the genital region is adequately covered so that there is no visible 'puffy' bare skin exposure."
Now, why on earth would CBS feel the need to issue such a specific directive? Well, in the past, some awards show attendees and perfomers may have stretched the boundaries a teensy bit. Under the new statutes, the following attire would not be permitted.
1. Jennifer Lopez: 2000 Grammy Awards
Source: Scott Gries/ImageDirect
All right, J Lo. The Grammy committee did entice you to attend its 2000 Awards Show by nominating your hit, "Waiting for Tonight." But they had no idea you would wear an open-front Versace dress without buttons or zippers. (Or that it would become an iconic fashion statement that would inspire young singers for years to come!)
2. Toni Braxton: 2001 Grammy Awards
Ms. Braxton, while the Grammy committee appreciates the work it took to look this fit at 40, this Richard Tyler getup did not qualify as an actual dress.
3. Rihanna: 2011 Grammy Awards
Source: John Shearer/WireImage
Wrapping yourself in Christmas tree garland doesn't count, either, Rihanna! The new rules clearly warn you to "avoid sheer see-through clothing that could possibly expose female breast nipples." And, with this look, you're treading in dangerous territory.
4. Lil' Kim: 1999 Video Music Awards
Source: Kevin Mazur/WireImage
As for you, Lil' Kim, your pasty-and-pantsuit outfit might have flown at MTV, and it might even have delighted Diana Ross (who couldn't check her impulse to touch your boob). But the suits at CBS would kindly request that in future, you bring a cardigan to cover up.
5. Katy Perry: 2011 Perfume Launch
Source: Victor Chavez/WireImage
Ms. Perry, you're scaring the little children who listen to your sugary pop tunes. If you arrive at the Grammy's wearing anything like this boob-baring dress, you will be escorted off the premises, and that's undeniable.
6. Rose McGowan: 1998 Video Music Awards
Source: Barry King/WireImage
Buttocks curves, buttocks crack, front boob, side boob. We must tell you, Rose McGowan: In this outrageous dress, you broke pretty much every single one of the new wardrobe rules!
7. Michelle Dockery: 2013 SAG Awards
Source: Jason Kempin/Getty Images
Don't expect brazen pop stars to be the only ones bending the rules! The sleek black gown that Downton Abbey star Michelle Dockery wore last month seems stylish and conservative -- but with that blatant side boob, it simply wouldn't fly. Of course, Lady Mary, the Grammy committee recognizes that you are not a singer and therefore will probably not attend the upcoming ceremony. But in case someone asks you to be his date (say, Lil' Wayne, perhaps?), please be sure to cover your bosoms. Being male, your date is free to wear what he likes.