Michael Jackson Says Beat It To Marriage Rumors

Despite reports that King of Plastic Surgery Michael Jackson has married his children's nanny, Grace Rwaramba, Jacko says he's still single and available. You hear that, ladies?

"Wide spreading reports regarding Michael Jackson being married are not true," his publicist said in a statement to E! News. "Documents stating otherwise are a hoax."

The documents in question were supposedly obtained by the ever-reputable National Enquirer, in which Michael referred to himself as a "married man." The rag even quoted a source as saying, "Grace was happy to go along with it. She's always been devoted to Michael and has raised the kids since the day they were born. Michael knew she'd make a perfect stepmother."

But it's all a lie, so you can breathe a sigh of relief that you may still have a chance with the loon. Hey, I loved him, too, in the sixth grade. I had buttons of his face on my book bag -- but that was his old face.

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