Photo Credit: Jeff Fusco/Getty Images
If you're having a problem with substance abuse, there are a lot of people you could turn to for help. A doctor, perhaps; maybe your pastor; or, failing that, a D-list celebrity with a history of substance abuse. If you're in need of that last one, we're happy to inform you that Michael Lohan, father of six-time rehab visitor Lindsay Lohan, has decided to open his own clinic. And we have decided to suggest some slogans for him. Here you go, Michael!
The Lohan Clinic: Because Rehab is the Family Business
The Lohan Clinic: When You're In Need of a Comeback
The Lohan Clinic: A Chance to Lilo For a While
The Lohan Clinic: Michael Didn't Get That Reality Show
According to his press release, Michael Lohan was "inspired by his faith" to open "the nation's first faith based clinical treatment center." So basically, he is inventing an entirely new kind of sobriety program based on Christianity! Except, wait, aren't there lots of those already? Including a little program called Alcoholics Anonymous, which Michael Lohan actively participates in? Yeah, that's what we thought.
But speaking of rehab and Lohans, it appears that Lindsay may be changing rehab facilities again. Last week, she left Betty Ford for the Cliffside Clinic in Malibu, amid rumors that she wasn't cooperating with the program. Now the NY Daily News reports that she's headed to the Seafield Center in New York -- which is, ironically, where the judge ordered her to go for her 90-day sentence in the first place. Maybe she's secret-shopping rehab centers to give her dad tips? Doubtful. Still, at this point, she could practically write a Zagats guide.