To Move In or Not to Move In
My boyfriend of five months has just asked me to move in with him. We get along great, and I have stayed at his house every day for the last three weeks. I even brought my parakeet and goldfish to stay there. Is it too soon? I want to be with him a long time, and I see this as the next step. Is it? He's already talked to his family, and they're excited. I haven't talked to my family yet or told my roommate that I'm moving out. This is something I want to do; I just want to do it right and have my friends and family see it as a good event. Am I overanalyzing it? -- Nikki
Question:Sherry Amatenstein
Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more
Dear Nikki:
Let's see: You're considering relocating lock, stock, fish and fowl into your boyfriend's pad, and you're worried about giving up some gray cells before fully committing to this move that will FOREVER ALTER YOUR LIFE. Yes, I think some serious contemplation is in order before filling out change of address forms. Go with your gut, Nikki: Analyze away. But bring him along for this mental ride.
Here are some areas the two of you should consider alone and together to see if you're simpatico or at cross-purposes: How will you handle issues like money, housekeeping, privacy needs? Will you need each other's permission to spend a night out with the girls or boys? (Hopefully it's the former for you and latter for him.) This brings me to a point that should be self-evident but may not be: Do you both agree about being monogamous? Do you communicate well together? Can you handle disagreements? Boredom? Open toilet-seat lids and panty hose hanging over the shower? Being best friends as well as lovers? Do you see this move as a trial run for marriage or as an open-ended roommate situation?
It sounds as if the two of you care deeply about each other, and that's great. But be aware that there's a world of difference between "staying at his house every day for the last three weeks" and having it be your house too. So look before leaping, and when you finally haul your stuff over, make sure he's got enough closet space!
