Despite their adorable pleas to “haz cheezburgers” or the endearing way they “Lolz,” we’ve always secretly known the truth about cats. No matter how perfectly suited they may be for the Internet, or the many fashion statements they may provide us, there’s no denying the fact: Cats are evil.
In case you don’t quite know what we’re talking about, or if you’re just in denial that your feline might be a foe, let us remind you about every villain ever and their fluffy comrades:
Ernst Stavro Blofeld and His White-Haired Turkish Angora, James Bond
Express Newspapers/Hulton Archive/Getty Images
Ernst, the prototypical Bond villain, was among the first to make it cool for bad guys to own cats. If only little Oliver knew the precedence he was setting for his fellow felines.
Dr. Claw and MAD Cat, Inspector Gadget
The cat’s name was MAD Cat. MAD CAT. No further questions.
Filch and Mrs. Norris, Harry Potter
Filch wasn't that bad of a guy, but who can say if Mrs. Norris didn't stay with him when he went on to become Walder Frey. #RedWedding
Gargamel and Azrael, The Smurfs
Hang out with evil wizards and eat tiny blue people and that’s all people will remember you for.
Cardinal Richelieu and His 14 Cats, The 3 Musketeers and Real Life
Cardinal Richelieu was the villain in The Three Musketeers and he isn’t really remembered as being that great a guy in real life. One thing both the Musketeers and historians agree on though is his affinity for cats. The real life Richelieu had 14 cats at one point.
Roger Klotz and Stinky, Doug
So maybe Stinky’s owner isn’t evil in the same sense as others on this list, but Roger Klotz was bright green so we don’t quite trust him.
Dr. Evil and Mr. Bigglesworth, The Austin Powers Series
New Line Cinema
A cat whose best friend is a guy with a degree from “evil medical school,” can’t be up to any good.
Team Rocket and Meowth, Pokemon
This one’s a pretty clear-cut case against cats considering Meowth was essentially the smartest member of the team and often responsible for creating their evil plots.
Don Corleone and a Cat (Presumably Named Cannoli), The Godfather
Paramount Pictures/Getty Images
In the infamous opening scene of The Godfather we see mafia kingpin Don Corleone playing with an adorable kitten. Francis Ford Coppola once admitted it was this kitten that instructed the Don in all of his dealings. (Note: there is zero evidence to support this claim).
Angelica and Fluffy, Rugrats
They say that pets often imitate their owners, but this one is ridiculous. Evil.
Have you always known the truth about cats, or do you think they’re the real victims here? Let us know below!
Drew DiSabatino is suspicious of all cats and a freelance writer for iVillage. Follow him on Twitter and Google+.