Moving On with Your Life

The man I was seeing broke things off, saying we were getting too close and that he isn't ready for a serious relationship (he just went through a bad divorce) but that he would like to stay friends. So far, I've been doing all the work to keep the friendship going. Now a special event (a night at a comedy club) is coming up -- one I had gotten tickets for before we broke up -- and I don't know whether to go with him as planned. My ex says he still wants to go and asked me to call him to remind him two days before (his memory is awful). Since then, I've learned that he is dating someone else and has been ever since we broke up, which hurts me a great deal. I know I have to let go of this relationship and move on, but should I still take him to this event? Part of me wants to take him so I can leave him with the memory of an attractive and laughing woman he never should have let go of; the other part of me thinks it will be too painful. --lmoore_32


Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear Lmoore_32:

Your question is no laughing matter, and you certainly won't be yukking it up if you take him to the comedy club. To recap: He dumped you, tossing out as a salve the ubiquitous "let's be friends" line. You've taken him up on the offer, but he does nothing to keep this "friendship" going other than take your calls. Now, despite the breakup, you are still willing to treat him to a special evening at a comedy club. His gratitude is expressed by instructing you to give him a reminder call two days before the date.

Rather than putting yourself through the emotional torture of keeping this date so you can attempt to "leave him with the memory of an attractive, laughing woman he should never have let go of," leave him with the memory of a woman who's gotten on with her life. Call him and say something along the lines of, "Sorry. Friday night is my new boyfriend's birthday. I can't ditch him to spend the evening with an ex, so I've got to cancel our plans. But please keep in touch. I'd like us to stay friends." After you hang up, take this joker's number off your speed dial, take a real friend to the comedy club and get on with your life.

Do the above and the last laugh will be yours, I promise.

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