My man is cybercheating!

Dear Sherry

My boyfriend and I have a great sex life in real time. But at night when he goes home, I know he becomes an Internet Don Juan -- trolling in the deepest, darkest chat rooms. He's open with me about it and insists it means nothing, but I'm not so sure. This is the man I want to marry, after all. Is it cheating when your lover has an overactive hard drive?

S

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ABOUT THE EXPERT

Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear S

Jimmy Carter lusted in his heart; your guy does it by way of his mouse pad. I think your question shouldn't be, "If you can't reach out and touch someone, does it qualify as cheating?" but, "Why does someone with a supposedly hot and happy love life need a cyberlover?"

Before you condemn Mr. Hot Fingers, however, answer some questions: What's your boyfriend's track record in real time with real women: monogamous or polygamous? Is he hooked on sex of all kinds or possibly just to the increasingly addictive Internet? Does he have one or several cyberlovers? Meaning, is he incapable of any kind of commitment? If you marry, will he promise to love, honor and stay away from his terminal till death do you part? Or is your real beef frustration that a modem can reach parts of him that your lips and hands can't? Ya know, some people are more uninhibited when their lover isn't a loved one (they choke in the clinch when the act means too much). When you factor in that the lover isn't even in the same room -- possibly not in the same state -- it's no holds barred, figuratively speaking. So I suggest you get an online handle and hook up with your stud. Maybe you can invent steamy scenarios on paper that you can eventually download onto a page. Your biggest consolation: If he is cybercheating, at least it's safe sex.

Sherry

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