It sounds like a Craigslist “Adults Only” ad gone horribly awry, but it’s actually the question being asked in a sad, sad new BBC reality show, set to air tomorrow.
Called I’m Hotter Than My Daughter, three mother-daughter pairs will be featured; in each pair, the mom claims to be hotter than her offspring. For instance, Kobie, 18, is mortified by her mom Sharon's DD implants and skimpy clothing, including sequin hotpants. But soon-to-be grandma Sharon says, "I just feel empty if I am covered up as I don't get the attention I love. I thrive on it." Meanwhile, “yummy mummy” Allyson “causes an uproar at the school gates and believes her 'mini me' daughter Jessica should stop being a clone and get an image of her own.” The point of the show is to have the public decides which of them – the mom or the kid – needs an image overhaul.
The BBC is known for edgy body image programming, (My Small Breasts and I, Super Skinny Me, Teen Transsexual) but this goes beyond body image and veers into frightening, embarrassing, and dangerously Oedipal territory. Moms and daughters already tend to have complicated enough relationships, especially when the daughter is in her teens (like Kobie). Do we really need to pit them against each other in a looks war? This kind of freakshow programming is totally demoralizing to everyone involved, not to mention how embarrassing it will prove to the moms and the daughters, regardless of who is deemed “hotter”: The moms look like aging train wrecks desperately clinging to their youth, while the daughters have to endure being called ‘frumpy” or “jealous” by their own mothers – the person who is supposed to love you no matter what! I suppose we shouldn’t be that shocked, considering the kind of absolutely ridiculous reality programming we are currently forced to endure (Little Chocolatiers, anyone?)
I asked Dara Chadwick, author of You'd Be So Pretty If... Teaching Our Daughters to Love Their Bodies -- Even When We Don't Love Our Own (May 2009, Da Capo Press), what she thought of the show’s concept. She said “pathetic” was the first word that sprung to mind when she learned of the show’s premise, followed closely by “damaging.”
“Let me put it this way: I’m all for women of any age taking care of their bodies and feeling confident about the way they look. But healthy confidence is saying, ‘I like to dress my body in outfits that I find fashionable and that make me feel my best.’ Confidence is not ‘I need attention and I feel I only get it when I dress to make people turn and stare.’”
Agreed! We’re not saying moms over 40 should put paper bags over their head and only come out of hiding for regularly scheduled Botox injections, or that they need to trade in cute clothes for elastic-waisted Mom jeans. But wearing triangle-topped bras and furry pink boots is equally silly and just feeds into the whole “the more skin I show, the sexier I will be” mentality that we’re trying to help our daughters un-learn.
Chadwick added that in a culture that judges women on appearance and often makes older women feel invisible, girls and young women need healthy aging role models more than ever. “Healthy body image shouldn’t be about going ‘back’ – it should always be about embracing who you are (and how you look) today and making the most of it. Women can be beautiful at any age and our daughters need to know that (apparently, we do, too). We can help by showing them we feel great about the body we have today. ”
Now that I’ve declared my wholesale contempt and disgust for I’m Hotter Than My Daughter, allow me to suggest a few celeb pairs that I could definitely see applying for next season’s show:
Demi and Rumer Moore
Dina and Lindsay Lohan
Madonna and Lola
Joan and Melissa Rivers
Goldie Hawn and Kate Hudson
p.s. I have to share Chadwick's quip about the show -- she told me,"I’d rather watch a show that shows moms and daughters who each feel great about their bodies, but I’m Hot and So Is My Daughter doesn’t have the same shock value, I guess.
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