New Pleasures: Nipple Stimulation for Him

Are men afraid to show that they find nipple stimulation exciting because it seems too feminine, or do most men just not care for it? My husband loves to have his nipples stimulated during sex, but he won't let me touch them during foreplay. What's the deal? I often wonder if he has to be otherwise ''occupied'' so that he forgets what I'm doing. --iVillager ''M''


Michael Ra Bouchard, MA, PhD

Dr. Bouchard is a board-certified clinical sexologist with a PhD in human sexuality. He lives in Hawaii, where he founded the Aloha Sexual... Read more

Dear M:

Good question! While I certainly cannot answer for all men, my sense here is that most men are so ''phallocentric'' (enamored with their penises) they haven't even begun to explore the uncharted seas of their own body or sexuality. Thus they're essentially ignorant when it comes to whole-body pleasures, including nipple stimulation. Little do they know the pleasure they could experience by expanding their present sexual repertoire.

''What's the big deal?'' you wonder. Maybe you might want to ask your partner directly for the answer to that one. Perhaps after a particularly satisfying lovemaking session, you might gently inquire as to his thoughts and feelings on the topic of male nipple stimulation. My sense is that you're probably right about your husband's feeling somewhat awkward about nipple stimulation. Men typically think of nipple play as women's territory and may believe that their own enjoyment of it makes them unmanly. But the truth is that our nipples, both women's and men's, have extremely sensitive nerve endings, thus making them highly responsive to touch and capable of producing extreme pleasure.

These feelings can, however, be overcome with an open mind and a satisfying and exquisite experience or two. Fact is, a lot of guys just don't have a clue about nipples, their own or their partners'. Men who are comfortable with their bodies and their sexuality are usually more open to experimentation of this kind. With a patient and persistent partner, most men can be introduced to and become comfortable with nipple play.

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