Leslie enters Victoria’s Secret on Michigan Avenue, intending to use her “Free Panty” card. Upon learning they only have white hipsters, size XS, she moves over to the fragrance wall and spray herself with Rapture, her signature scent since 1998. A sale sign then lures Leslie over to the lace thong section, where she discovers Hanky Panky knockoffs are on crazy sale – seven for $25. That’s cheaper than Tar-jay! Filled with cheapster’s glee, she begins choosing from all the pretty colors. Sensing an easy commission, a salesgirl approaches…
VS Saleswoman: “Can I help you with anything?”
Leslie: “Oh, no, I’m OK, thanks. Just looking for the right size.”
VS Saleswoman: “I can help you with that. What size?”
VS Saleswoman: “(Scanning my body up and down) Are these for a friend?”
Leslie: “Um, no, for myself.”
VS Saleswoman: (Face wrinkling up like she just sucked a lemon) “Oh, no, you’re not a Large. Maybe a Small or Medium.”
Leslie: “No, I’m pretty sure I wear a Large. I’m wearing a pair from here as we speak and that’s what size they are.”
VS Saleswoman: (Again scanning my body vertically) “Wow, I would never have guessed that. You’re so skinny!”
Leslie: (grinning like a fool, realizing I have something new to blog about for Never Say Diet) “Well, I guess I’m a Skinny Large!”
Allow me to introduce you to the Skinny Large. Much like a teeny little bottle of fat-free butter spray can pack 900 calories a Skinny Large is someone who wears a size that is, apparently, exponentially bigger than what she actually appears to be.
I didn’t walk away from this VS encounter emotionally scarred or anything. It just struck me as odd that the saleswoman would look at me, a 5’11” woman in great shape, and automatically think, “Size small.” I haven’t worn a size small since preschool. It’s not because I’m BIG, per se, I just have more acreage to cover. My hips bones would snap a size Small Victoria’s Secret thong like a lacey twig. It’s not a big deal, just kinda common sense, no?