New Year, New Sex Life
I am looking ahead to the New Year, and although I have a great life right now (good job, lots of great friends, family nearby and hobbies I enjoy), I do not have that special someone in my life -- or the sex to go along with that. I have had problems in the past year when it comes to sex. I guess I just haven't felt satisfied, even when I really cared for the man I was with. Is there anything you suggest I do to revive my sex life and find sexual satisfaction with a new man? --R
Question:Dear R:
Perfect timing! There's no time like the transition to the New Year to reclaim your pleasure and your potential for love and great sex. It's a powerful time to let go of the past and take a stand for the future. Here are some ideas:
First, look at your past year and the years before and decide which of your ideas or attitudes about love and sex are no longer serving your needs. For example, if you are still holding onto negative ideas or inhibitions about intimacy, or if you feel overweight or otherwise unhappy with your body, let those self-defeating patterns dissolve before the end-of-year magic sets in. Try to catch yourself when you hear negative "self talk" in your head and replace it with words of praise and self-worth. Create a positive vision for the New Year and for a new and improved sex life. This positive self-talk is a mental discipline that I teach to all of my clients.
Next, ask yourself: If I had the power to create the sex life I want, what would that look like? How would I feel? What would I have to give up? What would I gain? Am I really ready for a man to show up in my life and be with me as a mate -- or at least as a sexual playmate? If the answer is yes, then you may want try my new-millennium ritual (below). But better get busy fast; the New Year is right around the corner. Do these exercises and get ready for love.
On a large piece of paper, write down all the characteristics that you want in a lover and all the positives you want to experience in this new relationship. Also write down how you want to feel, look and act in his presence. Include the things you want to be able to give to the relationship and the physical pleasures you are ready to exchange. Now consider what you need to work on to make this dream a reality. Do you need to improve your body image? Start an exercise regimen? Work on wiping out negative ideas and thoughts about sex? Pump yourself up to be a more giving, expressive lover? If you come to realize that you don't know how to please yourself sexually, now is the time to learn. That's the necessary first step in finding satisfaction with a sexual mate. Maybe you want to treat yourself to an erotic video this holiday season? Candida Royalle's sexy, women-friendly videos are available at www.royalle.com.
Here's to the New Year -- and to your new sex life.
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