No Erection, No More Sex Life
My husband and I have been married for a little over one year, together for more than two years. We are close and love to do things together, and we used to have a wonderful sex life. But two months ago, sex suddenly stopped. After one of my husband's business trips, he returned home, we tried to have sex and he did not get an erection. He was very upset, apologizing to me over and over. I was very understanding and told him it was okay. Now we're both busy with big new jobs. I don't want to pressure him about our sex life
Dear R:
When you fall off a horse, you must climb back on or you'll develop an aversion to horses forever. It's the same with sex, especially with sexual breakdowns. Your situation is certainly not hopeless, but it is going to take some time, concerted attention and redirecting of energies to get your sexual relationship back on track. And it's also going to require you and your husband talking openly about your "fall off the horse."
Many times when couples ask me for help with a problem like yours the story has a similar script: He lost his erection for the first time, felt lousy about it; she keeps saying "It's okay" when really it's not; they avoid going near the stable. Then things get busy in their lives, distractions occur and
Usually the only answer is this: Face the facts and change your patterns. First, start talking together about the problem, with kindness, honesty and with intention to fix it. Second, decide as a couple to get him off the pressure cooker to get or keep an erection. Instead, start off again with simple, relaxed sexual play. This might include a shared bath with gentle rubbing or sharing intimate stories or fantasies (try the writings of Anais Nin or the Herotica series edited by Susie Bright). Better yet, get a hold of one of your favorite steamy Hollywood movies and watch it together. Indulge yourselves in your senses to awaken your passions.
If this does not do the trick, you and your hubby may want to see a competent sex counselor for help.
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