Octomom Is "Excited" for Her Porn Video to Come Out (That Makes One of Us!)

Nadya Suleman, who recently declared bankruptcy, has begun filming an X-rated "self-pleasure video" to pay for a new home for her 14 kids

There are a few things in this world that we would be happy to never, ever see: a Tanning Mom reality show, another Lindsay Lohan mug shot, a Snooki-penned parenting guide, a Rihanna-Chris Brown wedding -- and, of course, an Octomom porn video. Sadly, at least one of these things is about to come into existence.

Nadya Suleman, the infamous (and bankrupt) mother of 14 children, has abandoned her "no porn" pledge and is currently shooting an adult film. Just thinking about it is getting us all hot and bothered -- well, actually, not hot. Just really, really bothered.

So how did Suleman go from "I wouldn't even kiss somebody for money" to becoming an X-rated star? Here's the loophole: It's a "self-pleasure video," and she's not touching anybody but herself. (We know, that didn't make the visual any better. Sorry!)

In photos leaked to TMZ and the Huffington Post, Octomom is shown posing in a sheer baby-doll nighty, standing in sky-high heels as she pulls a blouse over her head, and sporting a black-and-white bikini. An insider described an additional scene to HuffPo, in which a topless Suleman wears a red choker and polka-dot panties while being covered in SpaghettiOs. (Not making this up!)

"SpaghettiOs were all over her body and she's even throwing the SpaghettiOs toward the camera," said the source. "The label on the can was changed from SpaghettiOs to say 'Saucy Octos.'"

Octomom herself was reportedly pretty nervous at the beginning of the shoot, which took place at a "porn mansion" in the San Fernando Valley. (Is that like the Barbie Dream House, but for grown-ups?) The director soothed her nerves by introducing her to other porn stars, and playing a few videos to show her what was expected of her. After that, an enthusiastic set source told TMZ, "She was a natural." And Suleman seems pretty happy about the situation, too.

"My first shoot was amazing," the single mother of octuplets told Huffington Post. "Such a learning experience for me in so many ways. I don't think I could have asked for a better crew to work with. They were so patient and willing to teach me."

Suleman added a special shout-out to porn star Jessica Drake, for showing her "a whole different world of self-pleasure that I could never have imagined." (What does that mean? Never mind, we don't want to know!) She also said that the shoot made her feel "beautiful and sexy" for "the first time in my life," adding, "I'm very excited for it to come out!"

All that excitement belies that fact that Suleman is only doing a porn movie because she's broke, and desperately wants to buy her 14 children a new place to live. Looking back, it seems like an adult-film career was inevitable for the attention-seeking tabloid star. But that's a sad story to tell her kids, who will one day be old enough to Google their mother (and heaven forbid they try an image search). And who is the audience for this porn movie about a woman who's famous for having a lot of kids? The whole thing is so absurd, you just have to laugh -- or cry. Your choice.

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