Once a cheater, always a cheater?

My boyfriend and I recently threw a party. As the party was winding down at 2am, I headed for bed while my guy saw the last few people to the door. I heard whispering and went to investigate. There was my guy in the kitchen with his so-called female "friend," kissing and fondling her and saying how much he missed her! Once I made my presence known, she ran out and he tried to play the whole thing off as nothing! The next day, he apologized like crazy, and blamed it on the fact that he'd been drinking. But I cannot get the picture of the two of them together out of my head. I'm having a great deal of trouble trusting him. Should he be trusted? --bkn_3

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Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear bkn_3:

Hoo boy! That you even have to ask if you can trust your boyfriend after the hot scene he cooked up in the kitchen makes me fear you can't be let out alone without a keeper.

Dear, dear bkn_3, your guy violated the sanctity of your home, not just by cuddling and kissing another woman, but by cooing into her ear how much he missed her. And Mr. Sensitivity wants you to simply get over it. He accepts no responsibility for his despicable actions because he was under the influence of alcohol? Well, this guy's not just a stinking drunk, he's stinking, period. I know it's painful to accept that he's not the person you thought he was, but without trust a relationship is nothing, and he can never truly have your trust again.

I say cut your losses and get out now. Otherwise, in a few months, a similar scenario will undoubtedly be repeated and you'll be writing me again asking the same plaintive question. Don't put this columnist in the position of having to say, "I told you so." Instead, do us both a favor and end things now.

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