Photo Credit: okcupid
If you’ve been earnestly navigating the pitfalls of online dating in the hopes of meeting a solid match, we warn you that this tale might sock you right in the gut. Are you sitting down?
L.A.-based journalist Alli Reed set out to create the most despicable, gag-worthy dating profile imaginable. For her Cracked column, she wanted to see if she could create a profile so repulsive, so utterly insane, that no man would respond -- despite the array of smokin’ pics that accompanied it (she used pics of a model friend). And guess what? She got more than 150 messages in the first 24 hours. So basically, it’s all of our absolute worst fears about dating verified.
The OKCupid profile for a 25-year-old straight female under the handle “aaroncarterfan” (um, already terrible) started with this charming self summary: “Im a Godess and i do Me!!!!!. IF u cant handle me at my worst u dont deserve me at my best. Im Aaron Carters biggest fan and if u cant handle that then get out of my face!! YOLO.”
It continued with an unrelenting array of cringe-worthy lowlights: that she’s prone to throwing drinks in men’s faces, that she’s partying away her parents’ money while they think she’s in law school, and that she’s really good at “convincing people im pregnat [sic].” It went on from there with barely literate references to bashing homeless people, gold digging and racism. And it wrapped up, “You should message me if… ur rich.”
But wait, there’s actually more: After Reed discovered the initial flood of emails, she set about on the new goal of trying to turn off the men through batty, barely coherent messages. In the end, nothing worked. The responders were like zombies who kept lunging forward with drooling mouths agape. Turns out men can be exactly what we worry they can be: boorish, sex crazed, appearance obsessed and generally incorrigible.
Man, that’s bleak, right? Well, yes. Yes it is. We’re looking for positive messages we can spin from this -- and we admit we’re grasping.
To the 150 men who messaged the nightmarish aaroncarterfan on that first day, we suggest you look inside yourselves and figure out what the heck you’re actually on this earth to do. Meanwhile, we’ll hold out for the decent, honest soul who fits us just right -- even if he is lurking under a deep, dark, daunting sea of internet crazies.
What’s your creepiest online dating story ever?