The Oral Connection:
Achieving the Big "O"

ON Mar 9, 2001 at 4:24AM

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"When my boyfriend and I started out, we only had oral sex and he could always make me have an orgasm. But now that we're having "the usual" sex, I can't climax. What can we do?" --from iVillager kjakjis

Question:
ABOUT THE EXPERT

Michael Ra Bouchard, MA, PhD

Dr. Bouchard is a board-certified clinical sexologist with a PhD in human sexuality. He lives in Hawaii, where he founded the Aloha Sexual... Read more

Dear Friend,

Don't worry. Many women do not experience orgasm through penile-vaginal sex, but rather only through receiving oral sex before and/or after intercourse. You're much more "normal" in this situation than you probably thought!

Talk to your boyfriend about the situation in an open and honest manner, taking care to express your frustrations and feelings about it without unintentionally blaming him. (For example, begin your statements with "I" and not "you.") Explain that while you certainly enjoy engaging in "the usual" with him, it's just not enough to bring you to orgasm and that you need something more. Tell him that you'd like him to join you in doing something about it -- something that he happens to be very talented at!

Next time you're getting ready for romance, simply let your boyfriend know what you've just shared here, namely how much you adore and miss his fantastic oral attentions. Then request that you start including time before, during or after intercourse for oral sex. Ask him to make it part of your regular sexual pattern. Most guys are only too happy to please their sweetie any way they can, and he'll likely appreciate the opportunity to express such amorous affections. Once you tell him how you feel, you can both make whatever modifications you need to increase your sexual fulfillment. Remember, you deserve all the pleasure you wish for, and working together towards this goal will enhance your relationship's emotional and sexual intimacy -- not to mention your satisfaction.

Find out what other women are talking about on the Sexual Pleasure Pro message board. Or join Dr. Bouchard's chat every Friday at 8pm EST

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