Oral Sex: A Step-by-Step Guide

Everyone knows guys are obsessed with oral sex. That's probably why sex therapists and advice columnists receive more questions about it than any other sex act. I've collected the 11 most common oral sex concerns women face '- so you and your man can both love every minute. Have you ever seen a grown man beg? You will.

Where do I start?

The basic technique: Cover your teeth with your lips, with your mouth in an "O" shape '- don't stretch your lips, though; keep them loose and soft. With one hand gripping the base of the shaft, make one smooth movement by sliding your (very wet) mouth over his erection, taking him as far into your mouth as is comfortable. Stay there for one to two seconds, then slowly slide back up to the top, making eye contact with him as you reluctantly remove your mouth. (If his eyes are rolling back into his head, you're off to a good start.) Then '- to his delight '- start again. Slide your mouth repeatedly up and down. Use your tongue to keep everything nice and wet by swirling it around the shaft. Once you've mastered this, start using all of your tongue '- the top, the tip, the sides, the underneath. Try what I call a twist-and-swirl: Make a twisting motion with one hand as you slide it up and down, and swirl your tongue around the rim of the head, paying particular attention to the frenulum (the bit of skin on the underside).

 

Am I really supposed to suck?

No, in fact suction can sometimes feel uncomfortable for him. Instead, simply slide his penis in and out of your mouth while staying as close to it as possible. The keys are confidence (pretend you know exactly what you're doing even if you don't have a clue) and enjoyment (lots of mmmms, groans and enthusiastic explorative licks).

How do I stop gagging?

Check your position. Forget lying beside him, and instead get him to stand while you sit facing him on the side of the bed (or an appropriate-height piece of furniture). Not only will it be more comfortable for both of you, but it also gives you control over how deeply he thrusts into your mouth. Alternatively, try kneeling in front of him while he stands. It's the classic "submissive" pose, but don't forget that you're still the boss of the proceedings.

 

What do I do with my hands?

Even if he doesn't mean to, it's far too easy for him to get caught up in the excitement of the moment and put his hands on the back of your head, pushing you up and down. Give him a lecture, if not a swift kick in the bottom. It's hands off for him '- but hands on for you. Attempting to give great oral by only using your mouth is overly ambitious '- and robs him of pleasure. One hand should go around the base of the shaft to stop him from bobbing all over the place. The other hand should be used as an extension of your mouth. Slide it up and down, closing it when you reach the head, opening it slightly as you slide back down. As your tongue swirls, your hands should also work on the places your mouth can't reach, such as to cup his testicles or pinch his nipples.

Do I have to "deep throat"?

As Em and Lo put it, Deep Throat was merely a porn film with a catchy name '- that's all. Yet women ever since have suffered from a complex that unless you take all of him in your mouth, you're somehow failing as a dutiful girlfriend. Let me put it this way: The average throat is two to three inches deep, while the average penis is five to six inches long. You do the math '- it won't fit! Besides, most of the nerves are concentrated in the head of the penis, not the shaft. While it feels good psychologically to see his entire penis disappear, it's not crucial to his enjoyment. If you would like to take him deeper, stop and relax your throat muscles every half inch or so before letting him go deeper. If you gag easily, try positioning him slightly to the side of your throat instead. It will be shallower on your end '- and he won't notice the difference.

 

What if his penis smells?

Suggest that you shower together before hitting the sheets, and run soapy hands between his legs and around his scrotum. Pull back his foreskin and wash underneath.

What do I do if my mouth's too dry?

Put the underside of your tongue on the roof of your mouth and hold it there for a few minutes. This will cause saliva to pool in your mouth. Always keep a glass of room-temperature water close by or add artificial moisture by slathering him with flavored lube, honey, champagne, whipped cream or ice cream.

What do I do with the foreskin?

Using lube or saliva, moisten the area around the foreskin, then gently edge the hood down with your tongue or fingertips. You can then either hold it down at the base of the shaft or pump it up and down the shaft. Just get the hand motion under control before you add your mouth, avoid tugging and yanking, and keep things nice and slippery if you want to slide it up and over the head.

 

What if he's taking too long?

The quicker he comes, the happier you're likely to be '- not because you don't enjoy it, but rather because it's hard work if it lasts longer than 10 or 15 minutes. Lock-jaw, hand cramps, a sore mouth '- even the most comfortable position can become uncomfortable after a while. To push him over the edge, unashamedly try one (or more) of the following tricks:

    Leave the lights on (so he can see what you're doing), tie your hair back, hold eye contact and let him watch your tongue
  • Stimulate other areas while you go down on him
  • Firmly massage the perineum (the area between his anus and testicles) by pressing two fingers firmly and making small circles
  • Make noises of enjoyment
  • Wrap your thumb and index finger around the shaft, about an inch above the base, and pull down
  • Insert a well-lubricated finger into his anus

What do I do as he's about to climax?

As with women, it's important to maintain a steady rhythm to build excitement, so don't suddenly change techniques. As he approaches orgasm, however, step up the speed and pressure. Many men say women don't go hard or fast enough at the end (watch him masturbate and you'll see for yourself how durable that thing is!). Once he's had his orgasm, stop everything '- no stimulation whatsoever. Post-orgasm sensitivity doesn't just affect females.

 

What if I don't want to swallow?

It's perfectly acceptable to switch to intercourse just before the crucial moment. Or use your hands to masturbate him, letting him orgasm over your breasts. This, for many men, is even better than you swallowing because they can see exactly what's going on. If you've never swallowed, it's worth trying once. Swallow it quickly, as if it were medicine, and it will be over before you can say, "That wasn't so bad!" (It's not fattening by the way '- a mere five calories per orgasm.) Are you okay with him ejaculating in your mouth, but don't want to swallow? Simply hold it in there, then spit into a tissue or sink as soon as it's politely possible. If it tastes funny, his diet is usually to blame. Get him to cut back on salty foods, asparagus, potato chips, beer, curry, garlic, cigarettes, red meat and coffee.

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