Football, flat-screen TVs, fat juicy steaks... there's no doubt that they top every man's list of all-time favorite things '- but only as a distant second, third and fourth behind oral sex. In his book He Comes Next: The Thinking Woman's Guide to Pleasuring a Man, the follow-up to She Comes First (natch), sex expert Ian Kerner, PhD, describes the oral sex technique men prefer. 'Cause if you're going to please your guy, you might as well rock his world.
- In the rhythmic stimulation stage, your mouth is going to be most powerfully used in combination with your hands, with oral attention largely lavished upon the head and frenulum, the most sensitive parts of the penis. (Editor's note: The frenulum is the thin, nerve-rich membrane that attaches '- or attached if he's been circumcised '- the foreskin to the head and shaft of the penis.)
- Maintaining a firm grip on his shaft, place your lips over the head and form a seal. By bobbing your head up and down over the frenulum, you will naturally create suction, and you can experiment with how it feels. Some men love suction, others find it uncomfortable and still others are indifferent.
- Press your tongue against his frenulum and use the hand around his shaft to move his penis up and down and back and forth across your tongue. Dote on the frenulum. Lick it slowly, delicately, while maintaining a very tight grip on his shaft. Think of your hand as a blood pressure sleeve that's increasing in pressure.
- While maintaining your two-fingered grasp around the base, create a seal with your mouth and take in as much of his penis as you're comfortable with. Take heed: You don't need to deep throat. You can certainly do it if it's something you enjoy or think he may enjoy, but any stimulation you can provide from deep throating is something you can accomplish just as easily with hands and mouth. In surveys of men, deep throating is not a technique that features high on any man's wish list, except as a quick bit of novelty or fantasy. The last thing he wants is for you to be anxious or uncomfortable while stimulating him. It's more important that you stay engaged and attuned to the process.
Most women enjoy performing oral sex on men, provided they don't feel anxious or like they're going to gag. They love the intimacy, the connection and the power they exert, and the more strongly they feel about the man, the more intimate they consider the act. When women experience trepidation about fellatio, their anxiety usually stems from the following areas: Concerns about hygiene, fears of gagging and discomfort (whether physical or psychological) about swallowing. So make sure he's clean, don't take more of him in your mouth than you're comfortable with and, if you don't want to swallow, let his fluids dribble all over your face or tell him you want him to ejaculate on your breasts. Chances are he won't mind.
Related to gagging, some women also worry about the violence of his thrusting, particularly as he gets increasingly aroused. When he's thrusting, it's called irrumation, as opposed to fellatio. During the latter, you're moving your mouth up and down his penis. You're in charge: You control the rhythm, pace and pressure. In the case of irrumation, he's thrusting in and out of your mouth. In any session of oral stimulation, there's likely to be a bit of both, but make sure, in general, you're in charge, and remember that men tend to buck and thrust when there's some sort of stimulation (either friction or pressure) they require to maintain arousal.
As for swallowing his ejaculate, the main thing men enjoy is stimulation through orgasm. Many women stop at the point of orgasm, rather than stroking through the orgasm. Swallowing naturally provides that persistent stimulation, which is why men enjoy it. But if you don't enjoy swallowing (and many women don't), there are plenty of other ways to stimulate through orgasm and maximize his pleasure with your fingers, breasts and tongue. What's most important is to understand that men love being orally pleasured in a countless number of ways. And a little fanciful finger work, plenty of talking, eye contact, teasing and squeezing will out-lip any Linda Lovelace.
There are many, many paths to sexual gratification, and no one approach is necessarily better than the rest. In fact, you should get out of the habit of taking the same path each time. What's important is that you understand the principles of pleasure and continually find new and creative ways to attune yourself to his pleasure with confidence. Your excitement and sense of control will be the most erotic aspects of any sexual interaction.