Oscar Losers Scooping Up $80,000 Worth of Swag

Even if they don't pick up statuettes on the big night, the nominees will have a whole bunch of other stuff to celebrate

While any Hollywood star dreams of winning an Oscar on the big night, you know what they say: It's an honor just to be nominated. An honor, and a totally huge windfall, as it turns out.

That’s because this year's nominees who don't scoop up statuettes in the best actor/actress, supporting actor/actress and director categories -- a.k.a. the losers -- will get gift bags valued at at least $80,000, with more products still being added to the haul. Yes, you read that right.

L.A.-based marketing firm Distinctive Assets is putting together the “Everyone Wins at the Oscars Nominee Gift Bag” stuffed with a limo trunk full of goodies. Check out some of the most to-die-for items -- as well as the ones that have us scratching our heads:

 

Vacation packages to the Canadian Rockies, Hawaii, Las Vegas, Mexico and Japan.


No, those of us who’d kill for just one great vacay definitely aren't jealous or anything.

 

Wine-infused chocolate from Chocolatines.


That one combines two of our favorite things.

 


A 10,000-meal donation of Oscar host Ellen DeGeneres' Halo natural pet food to the animal shelter of the recipient's choice.


We’re totally in support of this gift that gives back.

 

 


Epic Pet Health electrolyte therapy.


If there’s one item that combines pretty much every Hollywood stereotype into one neat package, this is surely it.

 

 


Hydroxycut gummies, shakes and bars.


As if the celebs don’t have hot-and-cold-running trainers.

 

 


ARTAS Robotic Hair Transplant System performed by Dr. William Yates.


Surely any celeb who actually redeems this one would demand an iron-clad N.D.A.

 

 

Mace pepper gun.


Those red carpets can be tough.

 

 


VETVIK “The Covert” leather iPhone5 cases.


Sounds mysterious!

 

 


Le Petit Cirque aerial lessons.


Because working out with feet on the ground is for us plebes.

 

 

Naked “luxury condoms"


Safety first! Though seriously -- what’s a luxury condom?

 


Distinctive Assets’ founder Lash Fary said of the bag,
 “Even Hollywood’s most acclaimed stars are disappointed over this particular loss, and when our consolation gift shows up the next day we like to think it is a welcome distraction.”

A welcome distraction, yes. And a stark reminder that Hollywood is a very -- ahem -- unique place indeed.

Alesandra Dubin is a Los Angeles-based writer and the founder of home and travel blogHomebody in Motion. Follow her on FacebookGoogle+ and Twitter

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