Overcoming His Aversion to Oral Sex
My boyfriend is the squeaky-clean type and doesn't like anything dirty in bed -- not even our fluids. I want him to give me oral sex, but he says it's too dirty. How can I get him to do it? --iVillager lovmegal
Question:Michael Ra Bouchard, MA, PhD
Dr. Bouchard is a board-certified clinical sexologist with a PhD in human sexuality. He lives in Hawaii, where he founded the Aloha Sexual... Read more
Dear friend:
Cleanliness appears to be quite a serious issue for your boyfriend, and it may extend way beyond actual dirt or messiness factors. Some people happen to be extremely fastidious, even obsessive, causing problems regarding bodily fluids and avoidance of any behaviors that lead to this. This seems to be the case with your "Mr. Clean." If so, it could help for him to re-examine his perceptions of what is clean and what is dirty, and to consider expanding these definitions in ways that allow you to share greater sexual freedom -- without such limiting antiseptic restraints.
Fact is, though, many guys are just not into performing oral sex for a whole host of reasons. Some find it too up close and personal for their sense of taste or smell, while others do have misguided health concerns and cleanliness issues. Should either of these be the case with your partner, you'll want to assure him that the vagina naturally cleans itself and that you'll be more than happy to jump into the shower with him before sex play to ensure that you're both as fresh and naturally fragrant as possible before engaging in any oral lovemaking.
In order to get past this as a couple, you may need to have an open conversation about the misconceptions of vaginal cleanliness and hygiene. It's important that he understand that a healthy, clean vagina varies in scent in each woman at different times, from scentless to a slight (or very intense) muskiness. It all depends upon a woman's body, menstrual cycle and current levels of sexual arousal. And while some men find this womanly taste and smell unpleasant or overwhelming, others find it a turn-on.
While you can encourage your boyfriend to expand upon his experience and lovemaking behaviors with you, ultimately you'll need to respect his space and choice. After all, no one wants to feel coerced into sexual behaviors that are unpleasant to them. If you find that he still isn't into it, I suggest that you let it go and focus on finding other ways for sharing intimate pleasure together.
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