Dear Sir Paul,
I totally would have married you for $5 million. I swear I wouldn't have been as annoying as Heather. I cook for myself and I'm used to my apartment, so I don't need a mansion. I don't use a bedpan either. We'd definitely have to have worked out the whole kissing thing -- you've a far cry from the "Cute Beatle" these days now that you're pushing 70. But seriously -- $5 million. I would have been such a catch.
Update: Heather's peeps deny the deal.