Pregnancy Journal: Calm


There is not anything new on the pregnancy front either. Jacob and I still try to rest each afternoon, although I’m coping much better on days that I can’t nap. Just spending some quiet time playing with Jacob or watching a movie if he sleeps seems to keep me from being too exhausted before bedtime. The baby still isn’t really kicking either. I know I’ve felt it a few times, but nothing regular. I’m still waiting for the day that I’ll be able to feel it enough to keep tabs on it’s well being. For now I find myself constantly worried if even the slightest problem occurs. For instance, Rob swept the basement the other day as I worked nearby. I worried that inhaling the dust may have been bad. Another time I was re-installing an outlet cover after our two-day whole-house painting marathon and somehow shocked myself on a wire. I worried that while I could hardly feel the minor shock I’d done some damage to the baby.

Other than my inability to focus on anything but the baby (and Jacob) I think I’m doing okay at this point in the pregnancy. Rob and I have been too exhausted to spend much time alone together. And, quite frankly, we’ve let Jacob stay up until he wants to go to bed, as we try to tackle as much of the settling-in tasks as possible during Rob’s vacation. So, there haven’t been many opportunities for intimacy. This is probably for the best as we’re still under Dr.’s orders to refrain from intercourse. We’re both hoping that this precaution is unnecessary, both from the standpoint that we want all to be well with the baby, and we’d like to take advantage of the limited intimate moments that do present themselves.


My one complaint is that Rob seems to get mad at me if I so much as mention the fact that earlier bleeding may lead to a cesarean birth. I find this very troubling, but I don’t know how to explain my concerns. Rob says I shouldn’t worry about it until I know the results of the ultrasound. It may not be a problem at all. But, I find myself frustrated that he won’t even acknowledge the fact that the thought of opting for a cesarean upsets me. I know there are times when a cesarean is necessary. I will certainly submit to one if my baby’s life is in jeopardy. However, a part of me knows that I won’t be happy with the birth experience if the baby is delivered surgically. I said that one reason I wanted another baby is because I enjoyed being pregnant. Another is that I enjoyed the actual birth. Granted, I could have lived without the pain, but I really expected Jacob’s birth to be worse than it was and I did enjoy it. Of course I realize that with any birth, one way or another, I’ll get the ultimate gift --a new baby to love and cuddle. It is this little life that is the true reason I wanted to be pregnant. It is for the precious gift that will always be a part of our family. These things I know. Still, I wish Rob would try to understand my desire to avoid a cesarean if at all possible and at least acknowledge that while my fears may be in vain, it is the thought of “giving up” on my desired birth experience this early in the pregnancy that upsets me.


All that being said, we’ll find out the answer in a few short hours. We are scheduled to go for the ultrasound first thing Monday morning. With any luck we’ll be able to find out all about our little one courtesy of a few pictures. Jacob will be able to join us and glimpse his new little brother or sister. And, I may finally be able to greatly reduce my worries. (Yes, I said "may.")

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