Photo Credit: Miranda Penn Turin/Bravo
Okay, please don’t slap me through cyberspace for saying this, but here goes: yes, your baby is adorable, and yes, it's utterly amazing being a mom... but you know what else is amazing? Your relationship with your baby's daddy. As new moms, even in our sleep-deprived, baby-on-the-brain state of mind, it's important we remember the "needs" of our partners. Yep, I’m talking about the awkward-to-bring-up subject of sex! (P.S.: Just writing this makes me positively rosy cheeked and supremely fidgety; I’m twitching all over the place right now!)
Trust me when I say that while I'm gazing into my wee one's eyes, I'm not thinking about getting all glammed up, putting on some saucy lingerie and engaging in a little baum chicca baum bam with my hubby. But without time between the sheets, your relationship with your partner will start to feel more like two roommates sharing Chinese take-out than two satisfied life partners. And who wants that?
Of course, men and women have different perspectives on intimacy before and after pregnancy, so I decided to get my husband's POV. The one thing we agreed on is that you have to talk about intimacy as often as possible, no matter how difficult the conversation. I'm not going to pretend that scheduling a candle-lit dinner and a babysitter is going to solve any intimacy issues you may have, but I am saying that discussing them will go a long way toward preventing that roommate scenario from becoming a reality!
We also agreed that even if your desires are wildly different throughout pregnancy and parenthood, as long as your partner knows where you're coming from and why, everyone will feel better about it.
So start talking. If it feels awkward, bring up these issues in bed, with the lights out. (You won't have to hide your beet-red face, and being within snuggle distance can make you both more honest.)
The other important thing is to continue these conversations, because our wants and desires change dramatically as we journey through parenthood. What worked for you in the first trimester might not work for you in those first few potpartum weeks, or when your tot is sleeping in a big-girl bed instead of a crib.
Above all else, don’t forget to take care of yourself -- it'll do wonders for your self-confidence and your relationship.
Can't wait to catch up next week!
Rosie Pope is a clothing designer, maternity concierge and the star of Bravo's 'Pregnant in Heels.' She'll be blogging weekly for iVillage Parenting; see her new post every Tuesday after the show. Follow her on Twitter: @RosiePope, or find her at rosiepope.com.