Stop Fighting in 30 days

Week 4: Learn How to Properly Present Your Gripes

If your partner tends to be defensive, he could easily blow an emotional gasket when you tell him, however expertly, that he screwed up. If you don't protect his fragile ego, he will need to pad himself with defenses. If all his energy is spent on licking his own wounds, he won't be available to listen to you and to focus on resolving the issue.

In order to keep him focused, you must help protect his ego. You can accomplish this by using neutral phrasing and by avoiding the word "you." For example, instead of saying, "I feel hurt when you forget our dates," reword the sentence so that the word "you" isn't said at all. For example, "I feel hurt when our weekly date is missed."

After your issue is properly presented, your mate should be willing to focus on resolving the problem. In many cases, his listening and understanding will be all that's required. In other cases, you may need to enter into a full-scale negotiation. Negotiation skills are thoroughly outlined in my book, Til Death Do Us Part (Unless I Kill You First).

That brings us to the conclusion of my Stop Fighting in 30 Days Love Lesson. In closing, let me say that an unhappy marriage is hell on wheels, but a happy one is heaven on earth. I urge you to give your marriage a fighting chance. Put my complete conflict resolution program into practice and find the path to peace and marital harmony that you deserve.

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