Pass the Bottle, Please: 10 Excuses to Guzzle Wine This Thanksgiving

Sometimes we all need a little help getting through the holidays alive

Thanksgiving is a stressful time of year. Don't get us wrong: We're thankful for plenty, and spending the holidays with loved ones is wonderful. Sometimes however, all that togetherness can be a little ... uh ... overwhelming.

Between crazy relatives, nosy parents and strange tweenage cousins twerking and tweeting all through dinner, it's not a bad idea to keep a bottle of wine on hand to make the day a little more manageable. In case you need more convincing, here are 10 of the most important reasons to be thankful for wine this Thanksgiving: 

1.) Someone asks if you are pregnant. YOU ARE NOT PREGNANT.

How am I even supposed to respond to that? Are they insinuating that I look pregnant? Are they insinuating that I should be pregnant? NO, there is not a human growing inside of me. The only baby in my future is the food baby I'm going to have after my third helping of stuffing. No regrets.

2.) Your aunt begs you to teach her how to "take a selfie."

Who do I blame here? Kim Kardashian? The Oxford Dictionary? Youths? Whoever it is they're off my good list. (Not that KK was ever really there.)

3.)The dog threw up in the corner and everyone is pretending to ignore it.

Ok, for real: Is someone going to pick that up or are we all going to pretend like the living room always smells like a rotting seagull? ALL THOSE SMELL MOLECULES ARE GOING TO GET IN THE FOOD. 

4.) Your mom is still trying to set you up with the next door neighbor's son. YOU REMIND HER THAT YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND, WHOM YOU LIVE WITH.

Seriously, mom? We've been dating for like three years. You've met him at least 1,000 times. Not to mention that neighbor's son is like, 12 years younger than me.

5.) Your sister's new baby cries at loud noises. And soft ones. And the smell of food. And everything else in the world.

Dearest nephew, you are adorable and I will love you forever, but fair warning: If you don't stop crying soon, I'm only getting you uncomfortable itchy socks for the next 30 Christmases.

6.) You're 32 years old and still sitting at the kiddie table.

Why am I the only one at my table that remembers the Clinton administration?Seriously guys, when can I move to the big table?

7.) Your mother JUST WON’T QUIT. She CASUALLY mentions that she ran into your ex at the supermarket and that he's looking great.

Oh he is? Wonderful. That's great. Really, I couldn't be happier for him. Where's the wine bottle? 

8.) Your sister critiques your every move as you make the mashed potatoes.

Oh I've got to MASH the potatoes? Thank goodness you're here to save the day, Sarah. Please, tell me more about the private cooking lessons your husband just bought you.

9.) Your aunt and uncle pull out a photo album of their recent vacation.

Please no shots of uncle Frank in his speedo, please no shots of uncle Frank in his speedo, please no shots of Unc-- damn it. Wine? Where is it?

10.) Your uncle keeps asking you how much you make at work.

Maybe not as much as your cousin the lawyer, but ENOUGH TO AFFORD AN ADULT SIZED BATHING SUIT, UNCLE FRANK.

Why are you thankful for wine this Thanksgiving? Do the holidays stress you out? Are you just worried about cooking the Turkey correctly? Let us know below! 

 

Drew DiSabatino is a viral writer for iVillage. Follow him on Twitter and Google+.

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