Recharge Your Relationship in One Weekend

Sunday: Your Sex Life

Don't Just Maintain — Nurture

When you start a new relationship, your focus is on nurturing your sex life. You're learning about your partner's body — what he likes and doesn't like — with beginner's lust fueling your curiosity. If you're like most couples, once you think you've got each other figured out, you move from nurturing your sex life into maintaining it. Six weeks into your relationship, the proportion is around 80 percent nurturing to 20 percent maintenance. Six years on, it's more like 0 percent nurturing to 100 percent maintenance.

To keep sex good long-term, you have to continue to nurture. This means putting thought and energy into sex — like you did in the beginning!

  • Take turns with "sex spoil sessions." Every fifth time you have sex, one of you spoils the other with things you know your partner will enjoy. (Note the emphasis on what your partner enjoys, not what you enjoy.) This might be as simple as giving him a gloriously thorough working over with your tongue — or involve you packing a picnic to head off for alfresco sex.
  • Take a sexual inventory. Write suggested sexual activities on two sheets of paper, then each of you rates them from hot (would love to try) to warm, lukewarm and cold. Add your own, but choose from things like spanking, role-playing, semipublic sex, tie-up games, blindfolding, talking dirty, anal sex and watching or making erotic films. When you're done, make note of the activities that scored high(-ish) for both of you. Try one every two weeks or once a month.
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