- Rejection
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Dear Sherry:
Guys are unexplainable, but one thing I would like to know is, why can't they make up their minds? My ex-boyfriend was as perfect for me as I was for him, and we both knew that. We were always on the same page, and when we weren't we worked to get there. He told me I was all he could ever want, and then two weeks later he changed his mind and said he didn't feel the same way any more. That's the only explanation he gave me. He just changed his mind. I want to know what gives him the right to just change his mind like that? No warnings, no signals.
Perplexed
"Why can't men make up their minds?" is one of life's great mysteries, along with "Why do clothes dryers always swallow socks?" Some things just happen.
But are you sure there were no signs? You neglected to mention how long the two of you had been dating, or whether he was perhaps recovering from a heartbreak that would make him commitment-shy. Did he talk about getting serious, or did he utter telling comments such as "If I was the marrying kind, you're exactly who I'd want to settle down with"? Did he introduce you to his family and friends, or were your trysts always one on one? What I'm getting at is, there's nearly always a sign of Trouble Ahead if we're searching for it, but often we prefer wearing blinders.
As to your last wistful query, "What gives him the right to change his mind like that?" I must offer this response: You had the same right. Unfortunately, budding romances aren't like new household appliances; they don't come with a money-back guarantee.
291 member responses
Guys are unexplainable, but one thing I would like to know is, why can't they make up their minds? My ex-boyfriend was as perfect for me as I was for him, and we both knew that. We were always on the same page, and when we weren't we worked to get there. He told me I was all he could ever want, and then two weeks later he changed his mind and said he didn't feel the same way any more. That's the only explanation he gave me. He just changed his mind. I want to know what gives him the right to just change his mind like that? No warnings, no signals.
Perplexed
our experts say:
Dear Perplexed:"Why can't men make up their minds?" is one of life's great mysteries, along with "Why do clothes dryers always swallow socks?" Some things just happen.
But are you sure there were no signs? You neglected to mention how long the two of you had been dating, or whether he was perhaps recovering from a heartbreak that would make him commitment-shy. Did he talk about getting serious, or did he utter telling comments such as "If I was the marrying kind, you're exactly who I'd want to settle down with"? Did he introduce you to his family and friends, or were your trysts always one on one? What I'm getting at is, there's nearly always a sign of Trouble Ahead if we're searching for it, but often we prefer wearing blinders.
As to your last wistful query, "What gives him the right to change his mind like that?" I must offer this response: You had the same right. Unfortunately, budding romances aren't like new household appliances; they don't come with a money-back guarantee.
291 member responses
members say:
Can we ever not play games??
I know how you guys feel... my boyfriend of 5 months (kind of seems a small amount of time typing out lol) totally surprised me Friday when he said it's over. Although he's introduced me to all his good friends (today we were supposed to go to a BBQ together) and family... suddenly when he has a few minutes to spare at work no less, he tells me he's been wanting to break up for a while. Ouch... could he be more harsh?? And just like that, I feel like my best friend is gone. Everyone thinks he's got another girl lined up already even though he's saying he needs a break from dating that he didn't have enough time after the last two girls he dated.... never a break. People are awfully good at pretending, he couldn't have been more caring or affectionate... i just went to his father's birthday party less than a week ago. And what happened in between the time he said we really have something going for us and now? It's just frustrating... how do you know if anything is ever real when you get surprised like this? This is hardly the first time this has happened.
--Posted by clueless, Detroit Metro area, MI
I know how you guys feel... my boyfriend of 5 months (kind of seems a small amount of time typing out lol) totally surprised me Friday when he said it's over. Although he's introduced me to all his good friends (today we were supposed to go to a BBQ together) and family... suddenly when he has a few minutes to spare at work no less, he tells me he's been wanting to break up for a while. Ouch... could he be more harsh?? And just like that, I feel like my best friend is gone. Everyone thinks he's got another girl lined up already even though he's saying he needs a break from dating that he didn't have enough time after the last two girls he dated.... never a break. People are awfully good at pretending, he couldn't have been more caring or affectionate... i just went to his father's birthday party less than a week ago. And what happened in between the time he said we really have something going for us and now? It's just frustrating... how do you know if anything is ever real when you get surprised like this? This is hardly the first time this has happened.
--Posted by clueless, Detroit Metro area, MI