Repair Your Relationship

Step 2: Set new goals for your marriage

Now that you've taken the How Realistic Are Your Expectations of Marriage? quiz, hopefully you've learned two things: (1) No marriage is perfect. (2) It takes skills to make it happen, but a happy marriage is definitely within your reach. (If you haven't yet taken the quiz, go back and take it now.) In fact, by taking the quiz, you're already on the right track toward improving your relationship for good!

Ready to move on? The second step in this workshop is setting -- and writing down -- new goals for your marriage. Most successful people will tell you that having a vision of your desired outcome is one of the most, if not the most, essential step to making good things happen in your life. As an author and a marriage therapist for many years, I have to agree. You may have tried this in other areas of your life, but like many people, by-passed this step when it came to improving your marriage. Why?

There are lots of reasons. We don't take our relationship goals seriously enough. We are doubtful that people can change. We don't believe that our relationships will ever really improve. We incorrectly believe that relationship goal-setting must be a two-person activity. Yet, despite all of our reservations and doubts about the viability of relationship goal-setting, we spend much of our lives trying to get through to our partners, to get them to be more understanding, compassionate and loving. In other words, we try to influence our mates without the benefit of a compass to help us know when we're on track.

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