Hey, Anne Hathaway -- Ricky Gervais Wrote You an Oscar Monologue!

The controversial Golden Globes host packs tons of jabs -- mostly at himself -- into a faux script for 2011's Oscar co-hosts

On Wednesday, Anne Hathaway assured us that she and James Franco were going to be the nicest awards show hosts ever when they tackle emceeing duties at Sunday's Oscars. Hathaway, who at 28 is history's youngest Academy Awards host, said she had "no business" doing what British comedian Ricky Gervais did at the 2011 Golden Globes, making harsh cracks about Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp and pretty much any other celeb that caught his eye. And while Gervais says he doesn't regret his Golden Globes zingers, Hathaway seems to have hit a nerve. Or at least, a funny bone.

On his blog this week, Gervais presents a cheeky monologue he wrote for Hathaway and Franco to perform at the Oscars, "in case they have a few minutes to fill." Here's an excerpt of what Gervais would like them to say:

James Franco: You probably know me from 127 Hours where I play a man trapped in an enclosed space who decides he would rather cut his own arm off than stay where he was. Now that sounds "way out" but wait till half way through this f***ing ceremony and you'll start to identify with him.

Anne Hathaway: And I'm the new Catwoman. The first white woman to play that role since Michelle Pfeiffer. I want it to be an inspiration to all white people everywhere. Your dreams can come true in Hollywood too.

James Franco: It's a daunting task hosting The Oscars but we're not alone. Presenting awards tonight will be a string of Hollywood legends and some other actors who have a film out in March or April. Usually they hire comedians to host The Oscars, but tonight, instead, you get us!

Anne Hathaway: No comedians tonight. And do you know why? Because comics are ugly.

James Franco: Especially that rude obnoxious one who played the Steve Carell part in the English remake of The Office.

Read the rest here. As you may have gathered from that last dig, Gervais spends most of the monologue making fun of himself -- and he's even harsher than he was on Tim Allen at the Globes. We have a feeling we won't be hearing any of these jokes on Sunday night... but we hope that Hathaway and Franco manage to be half as funny as Gervais!

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