Romance Training for Boys

I opened up my son's backpack to see his latest test grades. To my surprise, there were four pages of notes (front and back) that he and another teen (a girl) had written back and forth. Along with the usual "does she like me" stuff that you would expect to see at this age, he is bragging. He claimed he spent $1,000 on various concert tickets -- three front row seats to Britney Spears. He went with his dad and a friend. He also said that he had been shot twice in the past by jealous ex-boyfriends of his gal pals. And he claims to get a hefty allowance to spend on any whim he desires. I am guessing that he wants to look good to the other kids/girls. I am afraid his lying will come out and he will be humiliated. My son is smart, a good student and respectful of teachers and other authority figures. I have a  teachers/counselors appointment scheduled, and I will be sure to mention this.

--gamom2000
Question:

It sounds like your son (as you surmise) wants to appear cool and desirable to the opposite sex. That's hardly new. It also sounds like he is guessing that the way to a girl's heart is with money and good concert seats! I agree that this lying is going to catch up with him. However, I don't want you to miss the underlying issue (no pun intended). Your son hasn't a clue how to appear attractive. Sounds like it's time for a few talks. In our book, The Roller Coaster Years: Raising Your Child Through the Maddening Yet Magical Middle School Years, we underline how most sex and romance talks are between mothers and daughters. Sons get short shrift. How do we expect boys to know what a girl wants, needs, or finds attractive if we don't unravel the mysteries of women for them? Here is a question to start out with: What do you think impresses a girl? He's likely to answer with the "evidence"-- concert seats and cash. Tell him that girls love honesty, caring gestures, etc. Encourage him to poll his girl friends (not romantic girlfriends) so he can get more feedback. Boys need as much, if not more, romance training than girls. So get cracking. And we'd love to hear about this conversation! You can ease in with what you learned from the notes and tell him that girls want a real man, not a wallet.

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