Ryan Seacrest May Be a Vampire, Do I Tell My Kids?

When my kids caught their first episode of Idol this season they asked, “Hey, wasn’t Ryan Seacrest the New Year’s guy?” “Yep,” I responded.

Then one day in the car, we heard his radio show. “Hey, is that the same New Year’s Ryan Seacrest who’s on Idol?” “Yep,” I confirmed. And finally last week, while watching the Grammy pre-show on E!, my kids noticed that Ryan Seacrest was, once again, on center stage. “Look mom, it’s Ryan Seacrest. Is he on everything?” His constant media presence wasn’t lost on my kids, “Yep, he is.”

Is that not the truth? In fact, I’m quite certain he made an appearance on my wedding video, and what’s even more disturbing, is that he had a cameo in my daughter’s birth tape. “Mommy, how does he have time to do so much stuff?” my daughter observantly inquired. Should I tell her the truth? Can I share what I have long suspected, Ryan Seacrest is a vampire?

Seriously, is there any other logic? How else can one explain his inexhaustible spirit, his ability to work 24 hour days, and his wan skin tone that’s evident despite his spray tanning habit? Surely he’s used his undead status to threaten a studio head or two; one can’t get all those jobs on talent alone. He spends the sunlight hours indoors at his radio show, and does his onscreen appearances at night. His booth on the red carpet is always nicely shaded; producers claim that it’s for the comfort of the stars he interviews, but I think it may also stop him from spontaneously combusting. As for his feeding, there’s certainly no shortage of P.A.s, up and comers, or wannabe stars ready to give a hand (or wrist, or neck) to help further their careers.

I’ve also noticed that Ryan hasn’t aged since he’s hit Hollywood, and that he’s joined forces with another known vampire, Dick Clark.

As you can see, my argument is ironclad, which leads me back to my original question: Do I tell my children why Ryan is so ubiquitous, or do I just call it a strong work ethic and allow them to see him as a role model -- albeit, a role model that may bite them and suck their blood? Hmmm, parenting decisions can be so tough.

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