Said He'd Call But Didn't

Dear Sherry:

I had a great first date. We laughed and talked a lot. He kept complimenting my eyes, my hair, my bubbly-ness ... and he kept bringing up the future. (For instance, next summer I'd come watch him play softball.) He even borrowed my umbrella when he left (yes, it was raining), saying that would give him an excuse to call me. Well, it's been three weeks, and I haven't heard from him. Why did he make such a big production out of letting me know he liked me, when he knew he'd never call me again? And why did he have to take my umbrella as a parting gift? Should I call him, or is that just playing into his hands?



Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear Mary:

A guy I know met a waitress at a comedy club in New Jersey and thought he'd found the woman of his dreams. In the car on the way home he started telling his friends, "Wow. She's great. I'm going to call her tomorrow." As the miles passed, so did his ardor. By the time the car pulled into Manhattan, he was saying, "Uh, I don't think she's my type at all." He threw out her telephone number.

The point here is that men are often creatures of the moment. They want what's in front of their face, but once it's out of sight ... well, you can finish that sentence. Obviously, not all men are like this, but enough fit this dismal description to keep women off-balance. And do you want to hear from a guy who's so unreliable? I recommend not calling him. It's unlikely you'll get a satisfactory explanation for his behavior, and why give his ego such a boost?

If you really want the umbrella back, have a girlfriend call and say, "The umbrella Mary gave you that night is mine, and I need it back. Can you leave it with your doorman and I'll pick it up?"

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