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Starting Wednesday, former Alaska governor Sarah Palin will be Going Rogue on her tell-all book tour, traveling across the United States in a Palin-branded tour bus. As John McCain's former running mate kicks off her road trip in Grand Rapids, Mich., we give our thoughts on what we think the maverick should have packed aboard her vehicle -- besides her kids, of course!
While she tours the country to promote Going Rogue, she may need some help figuring out exactly where in the world she is. On Oct. 5, 2008, Palin called Afghanistan "our neighboring country" during a speech at a San Francisco fund-raiser. Ten days later, she referred to New Hampshire as "part of the great Northwest" while speaking in that state. And, let's not forget that she can see Russia from her house.
Those clothes! That hair! Those shoes! Palin's glam squad must be available at the drop of a hat in order to get her primped every time she steps off the bus. As we all know, it only costs $150,000 to look that good.
An Animal Head
Palin likes to hunt. She's shot wolves from helicopters and "raised the roof" on Saturday Night Live with a dancing moose. This gun-toting political star would probably love the head of her prey on the center of her tour bus wall just to make her feel at home.
The Reagan Diaries
Early on in her campaign for vice president, Palin fans christened her "the next Ronald Reagan." Even the late president's son Michael spoke out after the Republican National Convention, saying, "I saw my Dad reborn; only this time he's a she." It only makes sense that Reagan 2.0 would study up on her predecessor's diary entries in between book tour stops.
A Hockey Jersey
The self-proclaimed "hockey mom" didn't get her hoped-for reception when dropping the ceremonial first puck at a Flyers game on Oct. 11, 2008. Instead of supportive cheers, the vice presidential hopeful was greeted by "boos" from the crowd. Even so, that wouldn't make this maverick not place a hockey jersey on her tour bus to keep reminding the public about how much of a fan of the sport she really is.
No one can do a hair pouf like Sarah Palin can. The only reasonable explanation is that Palin's joined the hair revolution and gone from "flat to fabulous" using the Bumpit. Maybe she has a future selling her own line of the hair accessory?
301 Smart Answers to Tough Interview Questions
What magazines and newspapers do Sarah Palin read, you ask? "Umm... all of them, any of them that have been in front of me over all these years," Palin told Katie Couric in a disastrous CBS interview on Sept. 29, 2008. Then there was the interview with ABC's Charles Gibson in which she didn't know what the Bush doctrine was. 301 Smart Answers to Tough Interview Questions could be some good nighttime reading material to give her an edge for the media tour ahead.
Palin is bound to meet her naysayers as she travels the nation. Getting criticized is never fun -- and what better way to get out that aggression than by putting images of members of the media who try to trip her up on a dartboard and taking aim.
A Partially Filled Out Subscription Card to Playgirl
She told Oprah during their Nov. 16 chat that Levi Johnston -- her daughter Bristol's babydaddy -- is invited to Thanksgiving, but she also thinks he's aspiring to have a career in porn. It's a tough decision -- should she support his new "Ricky Hollywood" career and check out his Playgirl spread?
She may be a politician, but she still knows how to rock out. Though Palin does have a love for country music, she likes to start off her runs with some AC/DC. Don't expect to find any Bon Jovi, Foo Fighters, Heart, Boston, Jackson Browne or John Mellencamp CDs in her tour bus, though -- all those artists slammed the McCain/Palin camp for using their music at their rallies without permission.
Before the introduction of the glam squad to her life, Palin was already a beauty queen, winning the Miss Wasilla pageant (and becoming the first runner-up in the 1984 Miss Alaska pageant). She must keep her tiara on her tour bus to remind her that she has won something, even if it wasn't an election.