Photo Credit: ABC
On Scrubs this week, J.D. (Zach Braff) coos sweetly into Elliot's (Sarah Chalke) belly button. "And thank you for making Mommy's boobs so much bigger," he tells his child-to-be. "They're almost jugs."
The joke reminded me of a recent episode of Accidentally on Purpose, when Billie's (Jenna Elfman) friend Davis (Nicolas Wright) addresses her breasts. "And good morning to you," he says. "And good morning to you." Billie is thrilled. "I see you've noticed my recent pregnancy gift from the boob fairy," she says, beaming. Davis, of course, is mesmerized.
Come to think of it, that brings to mind an episode of Desperate Housewives a few weeks ago. "The Supremes are back!" cries Tom (Doug Savant), gazing at pregnant Lynette's (Felicity Huffman) chest. "And Benny and the Jets are so happy to see them." Not one of Tom's most tactful moments.
Speaking of tactlessness, now I'm calling up a recent memory of a character on The Office. "I knew it!" says Kevin (Brian Baumgartner), hearing the news that Pam (Jenna Fischer) is pregnant. "Her breasts were a tiny bit bigger. At first, I thought, 'Oh she has a new bra with padding.' But then I thought, 'Pam doesn't need padding.' It just didn't add up, Jim."
Clearly the TV culture gods are trying to tell me something. So, fine, I get it. Big breasts are better. If I continue to refuse implants, then I'd better get myself knocked up to be considered attractive. I had to laugh out loud at Desperate Housewives, because later in the episode, its writers actually added insult to injury. Lynette eventually challenged Tom about his love of big breasts. After all, he married her, a woman who's not (usually) a D cup. His "loving" response was something about being glad that she wasn't perfect, because he himself wasn't perfect.
That's when I had one of my crazy, talk-to-the-TV moments. "Try again, Tom," I sneered. "Telling your wife that her breasts are imperfect is not the way to go." The jokes on these shows are all in good fun, and actually, I don't have a problem with them. There are much, much cruder jokes out there, and a lot more ways to be shallow. But it's still a sad commentary, isn't it?
Less than two weeks ago, the small-breasted Kate Hudson appeared onstage at the American Music Awards in a sparkling, chainmail dress with a very revealing, plunging neckline. Marlon Wayans, who was twittering his way through the show, dashed off this tweet: "Kate is pretty but she got a chest like me in White Chicks." Ouch.
Wayans was an equal-opportunity offender, though. He described Rihanna as a "fine-ass mummy whore." It's all in the good name comedy, I guess.
Do you think all men like big breasts? Chime in below!