Step 2: Stay Aroused

During step two, we're going to focus on those parts of the Sexual Response Cycle known as Desire and Excitement. This is when sexual arousal kicks in on the physical level and your body becomes interested in engaging in a sexual experience, either alone or with a partner. During the Desire phase, you begin the warm up -- literally. Blood, juices and heat start to flow. In the Excitement phase, all of your physiological signs are active. These may include: lubricated genitals, increased body heat, swollen outer and inner lips, heightened genital sensation, increased breathing and erect nipples. It is at this stage of the cycle that maintaining your arousal becomes crucial, if you want to feel satisfied sexually.

Learning how to kiss and be kissed well can open the door to sexual satisfaction.

Arousal is a personal thing. I am always amazed at the intricacies of what turns a person on. Most women seem to thrive on mouth-to-mouth kissing as a way to propel and sustain their arousal during the Desire and Excitement phases. This makes sense, because tongue-touching and deep, connective kissing actually activates the physiological responses that trigger the hormones and bodily activities to create an arousal response. It follows, then, that if you learn how to kiss and be kissed well, then the rest will follow. Be sure to check out Lou Paget's Love Lesson, Kiss Your Way to Better Sex. Also, a new video, Ancient Secrets of the Kama Sutra, (available from Pacific Media Entertainment at 1-800-262-7367 and soon to be available on my Website) has one of the steamiest kissing lessons I've ever witnessed. Using the ancient Persian lovemaking text and the Kama Sutra of Vatsayama as its basis, the film illustrates how to make love, from top to bottom and awakens your mind to follow the lead of the couples on the screen and allows your own arouse-ability to do its thing. This week, I encourage you to follow the Love Lesson or watch the tape. Stop this tape as you go, to practice and feel its impact.

Next page: What else can do to keep arousal going?
Find out >>

 the secret of arousal
homestep 1234quizexpertboard

What else can you do to keep arousal flowing? When you are in this phase of your arousal, how about adding an array of touch objects to stimulate your body even further? I recall teaching safer-sex workshops in the '80s and showing a host of objects used for heightening sensation, including everything from kitchen gadgets to cleaning instruments. Just think of what you or your partner could do with a feather duster (clean, please), satin pillowcase, velvet robe, scrub brush (easy going), or a rubbery drain cover with bumps (get creative). Put your objects in a special box or tote bag under or next to your bed. When you want to feel more excitement, have your lover use them, one at a time, to caress your body to more ecstatic states of pleasure. By changing the sensations on your skin, then later possibly adding sexual devices such as dildos, vibrating eggs or even experimenting with a paddle as a gentle spanking toy, you will create augmented states of arousal during the Desire/Excitement phase of your lovemaking experience. Be sure to offer the same pleasure to your partner. I guarantee you both will feel desire and excitement in ways you never dreamed.

For step three, tune is as we discuss that stage just before orgasm known as the Plateau phase. Find out how to stay aroused, stop worrying so much about the Big O and enjoy sex more.

Talk about this workshop with other iVillagers on the Ask the Sex Coach message board now!

 the secret of arousal
homestep 1234quizexpertboard

Connect with Us
Follow Our Pins

Yummy recipes, DIY projects, home decor, fashion and more curated by iVillage staffers.

Follow Our Tweets

The very dirty truth about fashion internships... DUN DUN @srslytheshow

On Instagram

Behind-the-scenes pics from iVillage.

Best of the Web