Sex drive: Does breastfeeding decrease a woman's libido?
Does breastfeeding decrease a woman's libido? I am nursing a 13-month-old who has just learned to drink out of a cup without assistance. I am wondering if weaning him will spice up my sexual relationship with my husband?
Question:Debbi Donovan
Debbi Donovan is a Board Certified Lactation Consultant, as well as a retired La Leche League Leader. For more than a decade, Debbi... Read more
Does breastfeeding decrease a woman's libido? Well, sometimes it does, and sometimes it doesn't. If you're asking what research shows, the results are somewhat conflicting. Some studies have shown that breastfeeding moms have an increased desire for sex, while others show just the opposite.
Where sexual desire is concerned, many factors come into play for any new parent, nursing or not. Both partners can be exhausted -- especially if other children are in the picture. When baby drifts off, both mom and dad may soon be fast asleep too.
Giving birth and taking care of a new baby definitely seems to take away from a couple's intimate times together -- at least for a while. Energies are directed toward this new little life and sometimes there doesn't seem to be much left over to direct toward your partner.
When a woman is nursing she may experience a decrease in vaginal lubrication, even when she is fully aroused. Both partners need to understand that this is physiological, and not indicative of her mood -- just her hormones at this time. You might want to experiment with a lubricant such as Liquid Silk or Astroglide.
Though nursing moms may feel touched-out, both men and women have a strong need for intimacy with each other. For a woman to open herself sexually to her partner, she needs to feel the love and caring of her partner and his commitment to her and their relationship. (A bit of romance can also help!) A man, on the other hand, opens his heart through sex with the woman he loves.
Allow yourself the time to become reacquainted with your partner. Begin to take the time to rebuild this important part of your relationship. Start out by spending an hour alone together, once or twice a week. You may need to be pretty creative (and flexible) when you start out -- perhaps after the 2am feed. Nursing babies (and toddlers), who are so connected to their moms, seem to have radar. If baby wakes, nurse him back to sleep (you can still stay cuddled in bed with each other), but try not to forget what you were doing! Quickies, though not too great as the staple of your sex life, can be a terrific way to reconnect when time is short. Don't overlook their benefit -- quickies aren't just for men!
I would definitely not advise weaning to spice up your sex life. Wean your baby when you and he are both really ready. Lactation and sex are not independent of each other. Both can exist together! Begin to enjoy that part of your relationship now, and if sex does become more desireable once your little guy does wean, consider that an added bonus! I think you will find that by allowing more time for intimacy -- thinking about it, planning it -- your desire will begin to increase. Best wishes in spicing up your relationship!
Answer:
